I've been under the weather and my laptop caught it and has been in
the computer hospital for 4 days now. I am typing on a mini computer; so
please ignore any grammar or spelling errors. I've continued to read,
only at a slower space.
Back to "Original
Blessing" by Matthew Fox. There are several chapters not yet put into the blog; but tonight's reading was inspirational and I couldn't wait to write about it. I'm starting the second portion, the "Via
Negativa" or way of darkness or way of mystery or I consider the way of
not knowing. As he puts darkness into a historical perspective, it makes
sense why Westerners don't have easily-found skills for letting go. He
says the reason westerners developed the light bulb and later radio and
television is our fear of silence and of darkness. He explains that is
unique to this culture; that other cultures and other times have equated
darkness to growth. A seed goes under the dark ground, dies and is born
into a new plant. Chances are we were conceived in the dark -- and
even if our parents were physically making love in sunlight, the egg and
sperm came together in the dark, and we grew in the dark (well,
semi-dark towards the end of our first 9 months). I was raised to know
Jesus is the Light of the World (I still believe it as the Bible tells
me so) and extrapolated from that that anything not light is sin and
evil. Yet Christ is the one who gives the parable of the seed dying
underground and being raised to a new plant. He never insinuates that
the seed is in the dark because it is evil or sinful - as it rests under
ground in the dark. I remember in biology that all seed sprouts go
towards the crust of the earth - innate intelligence... yet mammalian
sperm go every which direction when trying to reproduce. Maybe we just
need plant smarts! ;-)
In my own life, any time I've had a dark
path, eventually I found tremendous personal growth and more little
parts of me to open and give to others. Darkness is mystery - a time of
not knowing, of budding trust in God, a time of hope -- even if it's
hope the dark will turn to dawn. I've sometimes felt that darkness is a
reward for learning a lesson so God can prepare me for the next
growth. So it is with life: the barren dark trees before spring's
rebirth; the restful night of sleep in darkness before the dawn and
work; the darkness of misunderstanding before make-up sex and new
bonding between couples; the darkness of feeling confused, inept or
stupid before an epiphany into new knowledge or wisdom.
Darkness
is normal and natural and part of the life cycle. That is not what I
was taught or how I understood life. But I like that thought. It
re-frames something that had been frightening into something that is
comforting.
The darkness is letting go - the acceptance of not
knowing; the embracing of mystery and mystical. The light is the wisdom
that comes because the darkness created a place for it to be birthed.
Fox talks about ways of letting go. If we expect to let go of an expectation - makes that an expectation!
Maybe
what Jesus meant when he said to go into my closet alone, and shut the
door (Matthew 5-8 in the Sermon on the Mount) -- isn't just about not having egocentric, see-me prayers like the
Pharisees; but is also a practical method of being alone--getting rid of
distractions, of words, of thoughts, of mental pictures, of emotions
and close the door - of sitting there long enough the darkness becomes a
warm, comfort of being en-wombed in the Creator. I may have just coined
the term en-wombed... but it feels right and comforting, bonding and
life-giving; where being that alone use to have the feeling of being
en-tombed, of being cold, alone and lifeless. As I set there en-wombed,
I can listen to the rhythm of my breath and heart and tummy rumblings and know I am
cocooned in God's deep love for me and my love for Him. Knowing His love
flowing throughout all of me, gives me the courage to let go. Embracing
the dark as well as embracing the Light/light.
As I let go - it frees me for God's will to manifest in my life; it frees others from my own expectations.
