Count the Cost
Do I recognize I've paid a cost to be a Christian?
June 30, 2013
Today my priest preached
on the cost of discipleship. At breakfast Bible study, I said I could not think
of any cost associated with following Christ. Maybe I am not understanding the
word "cost" accurately. After
church I talked to him a few minutes and he suggested I think about it because
there is a cost associated with following Christ. I agreed to do so and this short study is my introductory
journey into understanding what my cost has been to follow the Lord. The gospel
reading was from Luke 9. 51-62 and the discussion was mostly on the three
examples: (1) vs 58 "And Jesus said
unto him, Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man
hath not where to lay his head."
(2) vs 60 "Jesus said unto him, Let the dead bury their dead: but
go thou and preach the kingdom of God." and (3) vs 62 "And Jesus said
unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit
for the kingdom of God."
Several people at the
study said the third one was an especially hard saying. I will start by looking
at various online information and commentaries to better understand this text
in it's 1st century context.
Comments on vs 58, "And
Jesus said unto him, Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests; but the
Son of man hath not where to lay his head."
"The saying refers to the continuing hardship
and loneliness involved in following the Son of Man." - F.F. Bruce
"But Jesus said to him - First understand the terms: consider on
what conditions thou art to follow me." - Wesley
Comments on v60, "Jesus said
unto him, Let the dead bury their dead: but go thou and preach the kingdom of God.":
"I'm
hoping Jesus is saying: Make sure that following me is what guides all that you
do. Don't put me aside to go bury your father; make following me guide you as
you bury your father" - David Ewert
"They are best
taken to mean "Leave the (spiritually) dead to bury the (physically)
dead”—there are people who are quite insensitive to the claims of the kingdom
of God, and they can deal with routine matters like the burial of the dead, but
those who are alive to its claims must give them the first place." - F.F.
Bruce
Comments on v 62,
"And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put
his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God."
Note: Elisah was
plowing with oxen when Elijah called him to follow. "Elijah was a very
important person, outstandingly engaged in the service of the God of Israel,
but he offered no objection to Elisha’s taking time to bid his family and
friends farewell in a suitable manner. But the business of the kingdom of God, on which Jesus was engaged, was
much more urgent than Elijah’s business and brooked no such delay. Once again
it is evident that, in Jesus’ reckoning, family ties must take second place to
the kingdom which he proclaimed." - F.F. Bruce (cf. 1 Kings 19:19–21)
"the plowman
who looks back will not drive a straight
furrow." - F. F. Bruce
Overall Quotes:
'The most difficult
choices in life are not primarily between good and evil, but the most difficult
choices in life are between what is good and what is best.' - George Caird
Next is to find the
definition of cost from my Bible dictionaries:
From Strong`s: (to devour);
expense (as consuming): - cost.
Unfortunately, the word "cost" is only used once in the New Testament so it is
difficult to grasp the meaning. Luke 14:28
"For which of you, wanting to build a tower, doesn't first sit down
and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it? " When Jesus called me to follow Him, at 3:30
am on Saturday morning, October 11, 1975, there was only joy and weeping - no
time to stop and count the cost or even consider what following Christ meant. I
was compelled to be drawn by that love. I wasn`t knocked to my knees like Apostle Saul
(Paul); but I was knocked off my high horse and was beautifully humbled before
my new Lord and King. Marvelous, Mystical and Miraculous. Two weeks later when the
emotional and spiritual high of meeting Christ was starting to wane, God gave
me a vision of Christ on the cross, robed in His splendorous white robes, His
face shining with love. Without words, I knew He loved me and His love would
never fade but would compel me to continue following Him. For years I was
concerned that this vision wasn't scripturally accurate. Jesus was a bloody,
meatball of a human when He hung on the cross. But when I discovered Anglican
liturgy, the vision made sense during the Eucharistic prayer, "Christ has
died, Christ is risen, Christ will come again." All three were represented in my short vision.
Maybe the word "cost" could be
exchanged for "persecuted" to determine if I've given up anything to
follow Him.
Especially when I was a new believer, I lost
some friends - including a boyfriend - a decade later I was privileged to lead
this man to Christ so He would now be my brother in the Lord.
Since I was trained to tithe as a child, I
never saw financial support of my parish family as a cost but somewhere between duty, responsibility, pride and humility. The only thing I
financially feel was a personal cost was when I felt the Lord tell me to decrease my
giving back to 10% gross since I was already at the governmental standards of
poverty. That was a hard time to be obedient and it still is hard to give such a small amount when I want to give more. But there is a joy that comes with being obedient to Abba.
Has it been a cost to hide the Word in my
heart? My 12-step sponsor had me start to memorize scripture that depicted a
loving shepherd that helped me erase the judgmental despot I had envisioned. At
one time I had about 40 chapters of the Bible memorized - most teaching me
about a Loving and Caring Abba but some to help me revamp doctrine to go along with a Loving
Abba. Was that a cost? No, I don't see
it as a cost. Since I'd sustained a brain injury prior to the memorization season, it was a challenge but it not only taught me a better understanding of God, of myself, helped overcome the reason I was in 12-step, and gave me a different type of loving the Word.
Was there a cost to reading the Bible? For me there wasn't. I enjoy reading. I am grateful that as a family my ex, children and myself read through the Bible annually for several years until their teenaged years became so scheduled dysfunctional it was a challenge to have meals together let alone time to read the Bible. It wasn't a cost - it was a joy to share our love of God and His Word with our children.
Has it been a cost to be faithful to
attendance to parish liturgy and other events?
Goodness no. There may be times when I don't want to get up on Sunday
morning; but there are times I don't want to get up to go to work, either.
Thus, I don't view either as a cost because I know when I show up that God will
bless me and I'll leave grateful I went.
Has it been a cost to develop a prayer
life? I have struggled in this area, but
I don't see it as a cost. My prayer life has changed through the decades I've
followed Christ. Prayer has had seasons and Ecclesiastes has explained that
well and I am learning to feel content in whatever season I'm in. If it's a season to sit and bask silently in his presence, or a season to walk the floor in loud intercession, or lay prostate before Him and pour out my heart. I have learned to accept the season and not feel defective because it grows and changes and evolves and may start over with the same outward manifestation as it matures deeper. I am learning the joy of being sensitive and accepting of the prayer season.
Has it been a cost to hold to my moral code?
Sometimes it has been an inner battle, but I don't see that as a cost of
following Christ. Before I knew Christ or maybe that is back when I was still a heathen, I still had a moral code and at times battled
to have my actions agree with those morals. That wasn't a cost of following
Christ, that was just part of the human condition.
Has it been a cost to share my story of
following Christ in prayerful hope of others finding Christ? No. I enjoy
talking about my grandchildren, but try to keep it to a minimum so I don't push
people away. I love Jesus more and try to keep my conversation about Him to the
times when it flows naturally or I feel lead by the Spirit to share my story;
and I'm careful to remember I have one mouth and two ears and rry to openly listen to the
other person's story without interrupting, judging or rolling my eyes, too. I'm currently not active on any self-help boards and
I miss sharing and hearing; yet that is not a cost because I am being obedient
and I know the joy of obedience. This is not the season to reach out but a season to reach inside. It is not a cost, it is just what is and I am following it, sometimes with curiosity of what the next season will bring.
These scriptures keep coming to mind as I write this:
James 1.2 "Let it be all joy to you, my brothers,
when you undergo tests of every sort."
Hebrews
12.2 "We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates
and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting Him, He endured the cross,
disregarding its shame. Now He is seated in the place of honor beside God's
throne."
Paul wrote of his life of the stonings and beatings and shipwrecks. I
seldom tout what I've been through as mine were not because I was out being an
apostle but just living my life. Abuse and the scars my body carries from that,
three divorces, the humiliation of a cheating spouses, two children in heaven
(one was miscarried by abuse), three opportunities to press criminal charges
against me for violent crimes, homelessness twice, times
of disenfranchisement, alienation from my children, a brain injury from a car
wreck, three college degrees yet I live below this nation's poverty level. Some
were poor decisions on my part; others were just life happening. All were
instrumental in making me the person I am today. I like myself and love my life, so how can I
consider the lessons in the school of life a cost?
People who are into exercise often use the term, "no pain - no
gain" and that is true as a Christian.
Is there a cost associated with it?
Let's see the Words in red from Luke 14:28-33 (MSG) which is the only
New Testament use of the word cost:
"Is there anyone here who, planning to build a new house, doesn't
first sit down and figure the cost so you'll know if you can complete it? If
you only get the foundation laid and then run out of money, you're going to
look pretty foolish. Everyone passing by will poke fun at you: 'He started
something he couldn't finish.' "Or can you imagine a king going into
battle against another king without first deciding whether it is possible with
his ten thousand troops to face the twenty thousand troops of the other? And if
he decides he can't, won't he send an emissary and work out a truce?
"Simply put, if you're not willing to take what is dearest to you, whether
plans or people, and kiss it good-bye, you can't be my disciple."
I remember when my oldest son was a few months old, I received flowers
from him and his dad, Greg Kahrs. We put the baby in his little plastic
"pumpkin" seat with the flowers in front and took a photo to
commemorate that day. Greg's mother had a hissy fit. She said with the baby
laying there with flowers in front it looked like we were having his funeral and blah,
blah. We stood firm and didn't destroy the photo like she desired. We told her the child had not
came with a written guarantee that he wouldn't die an infant. (Thank God he's a
healthy adult with four little girls of his own and a fifth on the way.) We had
dedicated him to the Lord as an infant and his life was in God's hands and out
of ours. Yes, we were responsible to nurture and raise Him up to be a godly
man, but he was no longer ours but Gods. When I read of Hannah and how she
gave her precious toddler Samuel into Eli's keeping, raising and training... even
knowing Eli had raised his biological children who did evil things (1 Sam 2.23).
Yes, there is emotional pain I don't have a close relationship with my
children and thus grandchildren; however, that is not a cost of following
Christ. That happens to non-Christians, too. Some was life happening, some was how I parented and how their dad
parented, etc. I've repented, apologized and am making amends for my part. Just
as I gave my children to the Lord as infants - they stay in His arms as adults.
Another scripture is Acts 20.24a
"But none of these things move me, neither count I my life dear unto
myself, so that I might finish my course with joy"
One of my recent
questions I struggle with is "What did I do to deserve so much
joy?" Nothing. I mess up royally.
But I know the heavenly Royalty who is the Bestower of gifts and He chose to grace me with
joy. I don't deserve this much joy based on what I've done - and maybe that is
why this joy is so sweet. I didn't earn it so I can't un-earn it by messing up,
or call that sin if you prefer. I do sin routinely; my human capacity for
egocentric selfishness often amazes me. I think I'm at the place where most
sins are sins of omission rather than of commission - but occasionally God graciously allows
me to see myself without my own filters and blinders of prideful
self-protection. Then He teaches me tenderness towards others and self so I'm
not paralyzed with inability to move forward but to be tender towards myself.
Tenderness or kindness is a fruit of the spirit. As I practice tenderness towards myself, I can pass it to others.
I could have self-pity that sometimes life hasn't felt fair. But
nobody's life is fair. Believer or unbeliever - life happens and it causes pain
and we either move through it or stay stuck. For me, being a Christian is a blessing
because I was given the vision of Jesus to lead me back to Him. Through the pain and
tears of whatever earthly thing is causing the grief, I feel the tug to let the
God who died, rose and is coming again to comfort me. The God whose been
through what I've been through and who empathizes and understands and hurts
with me. The God who lives in me and I in Him; who is also the God on the
heavenly throne with the four beings, the 24 elders and the choirs who surround
Him. I love to envision Revelations 4 & 5 and mentally move the furniture to where
I think it is depicted in John's vision and meditate on the significance of those
present and the furniture. Then remembering it's that same regal,
crown-wearing, throne-sitting God who lives in me in unity and intimacy....
well, it's so amazing words can't describe it. Cost? Hardly. Blessing? Yes.
There are only two things I consider might possibly be a cost - and
they are things I am not permitted to do with my parish family. I seldom
mention them because I seldom think of them. I can do that because I know there
is joy set before me. I stay aware that I can count it as joy or an unfair
burden. I chose joy. Discipline proves I'm not a bastard child but a true,
cherished and accepted child. (Heb 12).
Have I given up things to be a Christian? Yes. Had I not yielded to come to Christ when He
called my name in 1975, would I still have given up things? Yes. When a baby takes her first step, the
parents rejoice - but a part of them grieves their infant is becoming a
toddler, too. When my sons became fathers, I rejoiced in my grandchildren but I also grieved the loss of hands-on parenting. There is a letting go to grasp something more mature - and that is a
natural part of growth rhythm. Thus, the
giving up is part of the human condition and not just part of being a follower
of the Lord. One of the myriad benefits of being a Christ-follower is that I
can count it all JOY rather then counting it as a cost knowing He is in me and
I am in Him and He is orchestrating the whole of my life.
Phil 2.13 says, "For God is working in you, giving you the desire
and the power to do what pleases Him."
Thus, I don't see it has been a cost to me as it is God who called me,
trains me, equipped me, changes me, enables me, matures me and loves me. How can it have been a cost to me when it's
not about me? The struggle is when I forget I died on October 11, 1975, and it
is Christ who lives in me. (Romans 6.6)
I hoped this study would help me understand the cost of discipleship;
but I haven't found it yet. It might be a topic worth revisiting or conversing with my spiritual director.
