Eternal Life and Other Thoughts

"You have your heads in your Bibles constantly because you think you'll find eternal life there. But you miss the forest for the trees. These Scriptures are all about me! And here I am, standing right before you, and you aren't willing to receive from me the life you say you want. I'm not interested in crowd approval. And do you know why? Because I know you and your crowds. I know that love, especially God's love, is not on your working agenda. (John 5:39-42 - MSG)

I was reading my FaceBook page this morning and a photo and comment brought the above scripture to mind; so I decided to explore what was going on.

Of course, my first thoughts were gratitude. Mostly gratitude for the journey that God has taken me on: from legalism to freedom in Christ. Life is so much more joyful and peaceful if I don't have to tally everything into black/white or right/wrong. After all, God is the judge and I'm not; I'm just called to follow Him and love like He loved - that was shown in Jesus's life. He included all: those who were willing to dive off the high board; those who would tiptoe into the water or those who were fearful and refused to evenget a toe wet in the rich baptism of His forgiving, unconditional love. To be accepted just as I was made and love and accept others just as they are.... and to trust Him to move my ego out of the way so He can do the deep inner work of letting me see more of His love and compassion in Him, in myself and in others. Then, with that new experience He shows me more love and compassion on others. With that experience I fall deeper in love with Him and as I fall deeper in love with Him, I fall in love with who He created me to be -- whether I achieve, excel, or fall flat on my face. I'm lovable because God loves me and honours me as His beloved - what a glorious condition and position. Him in me.  Me in him. Him permeating everything and that has been the most mind-blowing, life-changing experience I've ever been blessed with. I stand in humble awe that my beautiful Saviour could perform such a miracle in my stony, egocentric, judgmental heart. I'm overwhelmed with love for this humble, loving Saviour who has turned my life inside out, upside down. At times I don't know where I end and He begins and I just want more of Him and more and more and more. How could I reject or rebel from this life-changing love and peace? Why would I even want to?

I often tease close friends by holding out my hand and shaking theirs and saying, "Hi.  My name is Debbie and I'm a recovering Pharisee."  Yes, it is fun and funny but the work God is doing inside me is staggering in intensity of change. I believe Jesus is the healer and deliverer; He has healed me many times (not just physically but in every way) and delivered me from trouble; But the greatest work He has done in me is is made inroads to chip away at the ego - He's not done with that work, but I can see a few chips are gone. I give glory to Him for that work.

I remember the years of reading the scriptures and hunting for new rules - of course, the "rules" I found were things I was already doing. This made me feel good because I wasn't "like them" or the people who didn't obey my new-found rules. For me, it was not God-driven, or even love-driven; but fully ego driven. There is such a power rush to feel that I wasn't "like them."  Yeah, that is still a temptation even in my more gentle and loving and compassionate approach. The Pharisees even had rules for how long the fringe on their prayer shawl was requred to be and if it wasn't accurate the the pray and person were rejected. I was not quite that deep into rules; but I was heading that direction in a rapid descent.

The scripture below so depicts who I was: 

"You're hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You keep meticulous account books, tithing on every nickel and dime you get, but on the meat of God's Law, things like fairness and compassion and commitment--the absolute basics!--you carelessly take it or leave it. Careful bookkeeping is commendable, but the basics are required. Do you have any idea how silly you look, writing a life story that's wrong from start to finish, nitpicking over commas and semicolons? "You're hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You burnish the surface of your cups and bowls so they sparkle in the sun, while the insides are maggoty with your greed and gluttony. Stupid Pharisee! Scour the insides, and then the gleaming surface will mean something. (Mat 23:23 - MSG)

I kept meticulous mental account books of who was holy enough to be in my circle and who was so unholy that I had to avoid them. My fear was they might contaminate me; like their God was more powerful than the God who lives in me and guides and directs me.  The deeper level was that had I opened to a new style of friendship, I might have let go of one of my rules and my identity was wrapped up in compulsive, ultra-pious, rule-keeping instead of Jesus's unconditional, all-inclusive love that I wouldn't have recognized his freedom. Had he walked the earth at the time I was a Pharisee, I wouldn't have befriended Him but been one who would have judged Him as not meeting the rules of how I interpreted the Bible and I would have been plotting to crucify Hm. No, I don't like that about me - but my focus was on my interpretation of Biblical rules and not on who He was.  It was easy to love people legalistic like me but a new skill to love and care for people who were different was foreign. So I hid behind the rules. A safe fence from having to act like Jesus; and I could find scriptures fragments to back up that stance and appease my mind to stay there in that egocentric spot. I could state I was obeying Jesus while acting the total opposite of how He did.  I totally forgot that God's love is expansive and grows; it doesn't bring me to isolation. That expansiveness is amazing... just like God. Scientists tell us the universe continues to expand: and I intuit it's because God craves more to love; since God is love. When I am acting like Abba Yhwh, then I'm expanding in my ability to love and who I am willing to love.

I'm so grateful the breath of God blew down that fence of rules that I'd built and He made me stand (as T. D. Jakes would says) naked and not ashamed - being who God created me to be. Scary stuff at first; but now I love this place of freedom where my mind is free to be present to the person I'm talking with instead of forcing my mind to burden me with evaluating everything that is going on to judge if it's right or wrong. I think Jesus could hang out with all kinds of people and love them because He knew it wasn't His time to judge - it was His time to love.

Since the title of this blog is Eternal Life and Other Thoughts; I`ll write a bit more about eternal life.

And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent. (John 17:13)

What a beautiful God I know and love. Full of the fruit of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control  (Galatians 5) And the beauty is these are not rules to follow; but something that happens spontaneously as I let go of the rules that hinder growing this deeper life. God is so marvelously good.

Yet, the paragraph before that beautiful scripture shows what a law-dominated thought process leads to (edited to the areas where I struggled):

Why don't you choose to be led by the Spirit and so escape the erratic compulsions of a law-dominated existence? It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on. This isn't the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God's kingdom. (Gal 5:18-21 - MSG)

When I was a Pharisee, I was blinded to see those things in my life; just as Paul on the road to Damascus - I was blind and Jesus opened my eyes to behold life without the inner Pharisee. As I read that scripture once again, I realized those things are a great example of sowing and reaping. When I was in my legalistic, rule-keeping, Pharisaical stage, those were what I sowed and I reaped a bumper crop of the same in return. That`s a blessing because "when the pain of change is less then the pain of staying the same: then we change." (a favorite quote of a lady pastor in Broken Arrow, OK). I finally started looking at Jesus's life and ministry; and God grew in me a desire to become more like Him, who was so far from being a legalistic Pharisee. He gave me the desire to grow a bumper crop of His fruit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

During this Lenten season where I've spent extra time with the Saviour in self-reflection; so many beautiful things have happened. My trust in Him has grown and as my physical eyes are being healed; my spiritual eyes are letting in more of the Light of Life - my Lord and Saviour.

Part 1 - Brief History of Healing

As I study to learn methods of healing, I was curious of the history of healing. This was a Sunday afternoon's study and certainly not exhaustive; but it was interesting to read and compile. Living in North America, it has been easier to find information on the history of Judeo-Christian healing; however, every religion and nation has their own story of their history of medical practice. Since I was looking for a cursory overview and not a dissertation on this topic, there are a lot of things not mentioned and much more I didn't research or add to my little list.

In Israel, just as in Babylonia, Mesopotamia, Egypt and most other cultures, sickness was associated with sin and required placating God for healing; often through sacrifices. Therefore the priests of the various religions were also considered healers. Our word sacrifice is from the Latin word “sacer,” which means “to make sacred, to consecrate, to make holy.” The Greek word for “healing” originally meant, “sacrifice to the gods.”

Although most world and tribal religions started with sacrifice or placating their god/s for healing, the Greek culture's medical practices were not based on their religion but kept them separate. Their healers were paid per disease and not per visit and were required to consider the ability of their patients to pay when setting fees.

10,000 years before Christ, the Hindu of India had codified their medical practices that varied from exorcism of demons, magic and herbs including course work on various sciences to assist in making the medicines used by physicians. A compendium was added to guide examination, diagnosis, treatment and prognosis. It also gave guides for surgeries and surgical instruments.  Another branch of medicine believed health and disease was determined by balance in an individual's fire, water, earth and air. These remained the main styles of medical practice until the 1800s.

5,000 years before Christ, Chinese medicine believed a person's balance in life was causative of health or illness. The three causes were material, essential, or mystical.

3,000 years before Christ, Egypt had medical surgeries and each physician was trained to heal only one disease; although most of their medical repertoire was still supernatural, they were the first to use anatomy and diagnosis for treatment. 

2,000 years before Christ, the Babylonians wrote the first known diagnostic handbook. It was similar to modern diagnostic medical handbooks giving symptoms, prognosis and what treatment were recommended.  Treatments included bandages, herbs and creams.

1300 to 1500 years before Christ, Moses lifted a snake on a pole so those who gazed at it could be cured from snake bites. The modern symbol for a medical doctor is a snake on a pole. It came both from Moses in the wilderness but also from Greek mythology about Asclepius. The snakes were part of Greek healing rituals.

Ancient Hebrews practiced medicine; however, were cautious to give the credit to God for the healing actually happening irrespective of the means employed. Although there are and were ancient Jewish manuscripts of disease and cures used by physicians, the Old Testament is best known for preventative measures through community health practices. Of the Talmud's 613 commandments, 213 are of a medical nature. Some quotes from the Talmud are:  "Whoever is in pain, let him go to the physician" (BK 46b). The profession of physician – as an instrument of God – was held in high esteem: "Honor the physician before need of him. Him also hath God apportioned.… The skill of a physician shall lift up his head; and he shall stand before nobles …" (Ecclus. 38)  Jews regarded the medical profession as a spiritual vocation compatible with the career of a rabbi. Hebrews studied physiology and were the first known to study embryology. Opposite to the Conservative Christian church, the Israelites were required to kill of a fetus to save the mother's life. Israel had both physicians and surgeons; the care for sanitary conditions was expressed in requiring the surgery to be made from marble to assure cleanliness was possible. Physicians were trained in the use of powders, medicated drinks, massage therapy, juices, balsams, bandages, compresses, incense, opium, hemp (possibly marijuana), hypnotic drugs, anesthetics, etc.  I found this quote from the Talmud that was a compendium to help explain the Jewish holy scriptures interesting: "Anything useful for healing purposes was permitted at any time, even on the Sabbath." (Ḥul. 77b)

During 460 – c. 370 BCE, Hippocrates became the father of what is now considered modern Western medicine. He also wrote the Hippocratic oath. Ancient manuscripts show the Hippocratic oath beginning with, " I swear by Apollo the Physician and by Asclepius and by Hygieia and Panacea and by all the gods ..."  Milkweed is named after Asclepius because of its healing properties. Mercury is the god of medicine but also commerce and it seems medicine and commerce are still good friends or possibly conjoined twins.

Part of the church's foundation was to practice hospitality and to minister healing. From early church writings, the infant church not only ministered to others in their religious circle but opened healing centers for sick of any or no religious background. According to Roy Porter, "The early Christian outlook on sickness drew on various traditions, including Eastern asceticism and Jewish healing traditions." Just as the priests of the Old Testament were trained and instrumental in health, so were the priests of the early church. The New Testaments talks about deacons are to tend the poor and needy. In the first two centuries of the church, hospitals were founded as healing centers; this was started by the Eastern church and later became important to the Latin Western church.

About 400 AD, Western medical practices went into a decline. Most medicine that remained was palliative in nature and the previous writings that helped build health were lost.

The 12th century renaissance opened the gate for Westerners to once again glean the historical medical practices.  The theory of healing was the four humours which were analogous to the four seasons and were black bile, yellow bile, phlegm, and blood and if they were out of balance, then sickness resulted. Galen's Theory of Humours were the prime medical tools until the 1900s and included both physical and spiritual therapeutics.

In the 1100s, Jewish rabbi and physician Maimonides' based his concept of medicine on the conviction that a healthy body is the prerequisite for a healthy soul. This enables a man to develop his intellectual and moral capabilities and leads him toward the knowledge of God.

During the Middle ages, Hildegard of Bingen became a renown doctor of the church as well as a scientist. She not only wrote theological treaties but books on biology, natural science, and healing. She was well known for her healing powers involving practical application of tinctures, herbs, and precious stones.

During the 1500s, saints were invoked for healing and often shrines were established where healings had occurred to inspire others to seek healing. During this same period, the Spanish church, under the leadership of Archbishop Raimund founded an institution for translations, which employed a number of Jewish translators to communicate the works of Arabian medicine. This was a sequel to a similar reawakening of Jewish and Arab translations, including medicine, during the 11th century by Archbishop of Salerno.

From the 1600 to 1800s, translation of both Arabic and Greek medical works were translated to Latin. The use of pharmaceuticals started during this time with quinine and opium.  Folklore cures and potentially poisonous metal-based compounds were popular treatments.

Paracelsus (1493–1541) decided church miracles for healing should be replaced with harmony of man and nature.  This lead his remedies to rely on mysticism, alchemy and magic and minerals and chemicals were important in his practice of medicine.

Catholic women, especially nuns, were known for their practice of care of the sick and in opening hospitals.

In 1633, Galelio was tried and sentenced for heresy for stating the earth moved around the sun. This is not about healing; but it does show how "church" often reacts to new theories of science. In my opinion they always have and always will.

In the mid 1800s, Gregor Mendel, an Austrian scientist and Augustinian friar, became the father of genetics.

In the 19th century, public health and some changes in medical practice improved health and increased longevity of life. Bacteria were discovered and was quickly followed by vaccines and pharmacological remedies. According to some biographers,on his death bed, Louis Pasture recanted that his work as  incorrect when he said, " "the microbe is nothing, the terrain is everything."  I agree with his death-bed statement and have done quite a bit of reading about vaccines and refused to get my children vaccined; although their grandmother did it without my knowledge.

In the 19th century, medicines even for children, often contained large amounts of morphine, chloroform, codeine, opium, cannabis and mercury.  A little tidbit of information is that Bayer (the aspirin people) discovered and sold the first heroin as a cure. Bayer had been previously call IG Farben and helped fund the diabolical experiments in the Nazi concentration camps. Some research says at the end of the war the experimenters were quickly given asylum through the pharmaceutical industry to continue their research in other countries. During this time, physicians were also trained to manually give women patients sexual orgasms called hysterical paroxims; since this took time, when electricity was discovered an electric machine was developed to help physicians fulfill this feminine health need.  Although that seems abhorrent to me; it's probably better than the lobotomies practiced in the first half of the 20th century until at least the 1970s.

Since the founding of Christianity, caring for the ill has continued to be a major focus of ministry. In 2013, Robert Calderisi wrote that the Catholic Church has around 18,000 clinics, 16,000 homes for the elderly and those with special needs, and 5,500 hospitals - with 65 per cent of them located in developing countries. I've heard the Seventh Day Adventist and Quakers also budget massive amounts towards caring for the sick and dying but did not check those statistics.

Thus, it seems no matter where one was born on the planet or what religious culture practiced, a similar sequence of growth in healing was followed: (1) appeasing God or sacrifices, (2) therapies, (3) research, (4) codifying disease and cures, and (5) continued development of methods of healing often by exchanging methods with other cultures and learning from research. One profound difference was the Jewish faith followed the same development; however, focused more on avoiding disease by community health practice and their goal of continuing to give the credit to YHWH (The God of the Old Testament) for healing no matter what method of healing was in vogue.

As each new style of practicing medicine was added, the conservative believers of each faith would come against it as dishonoring God. That was true even for cultures who were taken captive by the Israelites or took the Israelites captive.  That has been true when herbal medicines were discovered, later it was just as true when nutrition, poultices, vitamin therapy, surgeries, chemical medicines, vaccines, bloodletting, transplants, X-ray, MRI, EKG, EEG, nerve conduction and velocity tests, and other therapies that were once in vogue or may still be in vogue were used.  Even the laying on of hands or anointing with oil for healing in the name of Jesus has been judged and found ungodly by many naysayer Christians. All on the list have some health benefit whether the physician and/or the patient know God or not; but as a Christian I can see God's loving movement through various healing methods and give God glory for any healing because any "good and perfect" gift comes down from Him. (James 1.17)

I Would See Jesus

John 12: 20-33 was the theme at the Breakfast Bible Study and the liturgy. The key verse is the middle portion of verse 21 where Philip asks, "Lord, I would see Jesus."  The discussion and homily (sermon) was on how to see Jesus. This topic weighed joyfully on my heart and mind so I came home to meditate on the word and write my thoughts.

The first question I need to ask is where is Jesus so I can see him?  I find the following three scriptures very applicable to answer this question:  

On the night before Jesus was crucified, he prays to the Father for the people who were with him but also for all those who would ever believe in him": :You and I are one—as You are in Me, Father, and I am in You. And may they be in Us so that the world will believe You sent Me. I have given them the glory You gave Me, so they may be one as We are one." (John 17:21-22 - NLB)

"Christ lives in me" (Galatians 2:20; 2 Corinthians 11:10)

"For in him we live, and move, and have our being." (Acts 17:28)

Those scriptures show that God is in Christ; Christ is in God; I am in Christ and Christ is in me.  It's such an easy message that even a child can understand.

In John 20:18, Mary Magdalene begins the first Easter sermon by saying, "I have seen the Lord!"  Seeing the Lord compelled her to tell others the good news and was life-changing. I don't believe she first set down, pen and paper in hand, and wrote out the four steps to come to or see the Lord or the 5 rules of how to know if your eyes are open. She didn't create doctrines on how to see the Lord and what requirements a person had to meet to be eligible to see the Lord. She saw, she was filled with so much joy she wanted to export the joy to others.

John 13:15 says, "I have set the example, and you should do for each other exactly what I have done for you." (CEV) As I read the gospels, over and over I see Jesus, our example, looking for ways to see God in others. Bible scholars say Philip was a gentile who had converted to Judaism. There were women, Roman soldiers, prostitutes, adulterers, nice people who recognized their desire for a deeper faith walk, those burned out on the legalism of their Jewish faith, those who had observed his healing and miracles and were impressed or curious or just wanted more entertainment or free dinner, those who had been healed or delivered, children who rubbed their grubby hands in his Judean beard and weren't punished for it, those who felt his warm acceptance, those who had left their family and vocation to follow him. Overall the main group who did not "see" him were the Pharisees because they were too busy following the rules and finding ways to reject him rather than accept him because he didn't follow their rules and guidelines.

It is so easy to do what the Pharisees did. To look for reasons to not see Christ in others or to even believe Christ would humble himself to live in people our self-righteous mind would point our holy fingers at while saying they are sinful, erroneous, dysfunctional and egocentric. Yet, Jesus was humble and gave up his throne in heaven to come to earth as a tiny embryo inside Mary's womb and grew until he could be born and then he lived a selfless life showing us the type of sacrificial love God loves us with.  (Philippians 5:2-11)

"It's the same way with the Son of Man. He didn't come so that others could serve him. He came to serve and to give his life as a ransom for many people." (Mark 10:45)

I haven't written an evangelistic blog and I guess this is about as close as I'll ever come. Are you ready to see Jesus?  Do you already see God in others?  Do you sense God in yourself? Do you see God in the whispering breeze, in the glorious night sky, in the power of lightening, in the daffodil breaking forth in the straggling winter snow, in the cry of a newborn baby or in the soft caress of a loved one?  The Bible tells us we can see God in his creation (Romans 1:20) Whether you see God in any of the above, you can open your life to let that deep love and acceptance flow. Recognize it is Christ in you that yearns to see Christ in others and nature - to be a person who accepts the flow of love from Him to you and to pass  it on to others. The great commandment Jesus gave says, "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself." (Matthew 22: 37-39).

Note He does not give us rules on how to do that because he knows he'll be inside us and we'll be inside him and as we feel loved by him, we will have the courage to grow in living a life like his: humble and serving - full of forgiveness and compassion.  We won't need rules to see if we're achieving that because none of us will ever do it perfect.  Apostle Paul summed the above so succulently in Galatians 2:16-21.  

Yet we know that a person is made right with God by faith in Jesus Christ, not by obeying the law. And we have believed in Christ Jesus, so that we might be made right with God because of our faith in Christ, not because we have obeyed the law. For no one will ever be made right with God by obeying the law."  But suppose we seek to be made right with God through faith in Christ and then we are found guilty because we have abandoned the law. Would that mean Christ has led us into sin? Absolutely not!  Rather, I am a sinner if I rebuild the old system of law I already tore down. For when I tried to keep the law, it condemned me. So I died to the law—I stopped trying to meet all its requirements—so that I might live for God. My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. I do not treat the grace of God as meaningless. For if keeping the law could make us right with God, then there was no need for Christ to die.

Ash Wednesday

Ash Wednesday was wonderful; being somewhat new to the liturgical stuff - I dearly love Ash Wednesday, Maundy Thursday and Christ the King Sunday - never celebrated them until I started attending the Anglican church in December 2006 and they are so stuffed full with interesting things that help me feel really connected to God. I even like the repeating cycle of the church yearly calendar, it gives a special rhythm to the cycle of life.

During morning group meditation, I had trouble letting my thoughts go and focusing on the Bible words I'd picked, "angels ministered to him." (Mark 1.12-15).  My thoughts were going every which way. I was mostly thinking of how I thought rather than what I was thinking. Example:  I wonder if there's a way to put like a v-shaped snow plow so as thoughts come they are dozed out of the way?  Maybe I'd not struggle so with thoughts if I'd think of going under water where the waves on the surface were the thoughts other than the Word and if I'd go deep enough I couldn't see the turbulence above and could more easily sit with the Word. Then some weird thoughts wanted me to participate and one of the off-the-wall ones is I wondered if Tantric sex (from what I've heard/read is a way to turn our sexual expression into prayer and bond deeper with a mate and with God at the same time). Well, it was an interesting question and I participated with it for a few seconds until I caught myself and let it go.  The interesting thing was that even with the bombardment of thoughts, I still felt a deep closeness to God. I intuited I was cocooned in his love. No guilt that I'd not "performed" meditation perfect but just joy and peace that I knew God was in it.  Afterwards I received a comment that it was emotive and I didn't disagree because there was an emotive element; but it was so much deeper then emotions and was also very and mostly spiritual. But I can't put that into words then or anything more now that I've thought of it.

I also know that any time we put our concept of God into Words, then it is a dead and partial understanding because God is light, vitality and life and cramming Him into words doesn't work. That is also beginning to permeate my understanding of the Word of God - we caged Him into human words and God is not containable - He's much to big to fit in words or concepts or even my emotions.  I think of the parable of the blind men who saw the elephant: when we try to stick God into human words, it only explains a tiny bit of him. Words speak of the now - and God is eternal; so even if we could accurately put God into words; by the time we spoke them time would have moved and they would be imperfect. I think of John who wrote in his gospel that the world couldn't begin to even hold all the books that could be written about what Jesus did. So how can we think it is all contained in the 66 books that were canonized?  I also find it interesting that often the people who are most anti-Catholic are also the ones who are most pro-canonization of those 66 books. But, I still accept that it works for them and I'm okay with that and grateful they have something that helps them feel closer and loved by God.

Over lunch at the community meal, I talked to my pastor a few minutes about the near-death experience I had in December 2013. I hadn't talked to him about it and I think he was a bit surprised.  I periodically think of those few minutes of not being in my body and miss it.. I'm homesick for it. I long for it. I grieve not being there. I don't mind being here; but that thirsting for the other is a powerful longing.

So what is a near death experience doing in the middle of a post on Ash Wednesday?

The way my pastor explained Lent is to die to self or as I think of it as dying to selfishness, that self-absorbed, egocentric spot that is so easy to get into where I think I'm the hub of the universe and forget God is the center - He is the all in all. During this season, we give up something (die to it) so on Resurrection/Easter we can rise again. I think of the Phoenix, which reminds me of when I lived in Atlanta, from the ashes of destruction and death - it rose again and soared. 

I found a deep joy in receiving the ashes this year. It seems my thoughts other years were the ashes were a reminder that death was coming and prepare.  But this year it was a reminder death was coming and to celebrate all of life - both the current in-body and the future in-spirit life. Instead of a reminder of the grim reaper; it was a reminder of the "joy that is set before me." Which was Christ's stance as he went to the cross (Hebrews 12). 

Even with the deep joy of knowing who I am: dust to dust; there was also a somberness about this liturgy. As I unpack it, it seems to be a somberness that the God of glory made humanity out of dust and breathed His life into us as He was preparing the way for Him to come to earth in carnal form to show us who He is.  The humble, loving, forgiving, gentle, sacrificial Jesus. I can only be wow-ed.

Even knowing "From dust you came and to dust you shall return" is full of hope, joy and peace.

During the day I realized what I will lay down or die to for this Lent season and what I will pick up. I've purchased Richard Rohr's book on journeying through Lent.  I'm grateful for this spiritual time to focus on my own (as I wrote in the last blog entry) repent and believe; or  "Be aware and be transformed."

Abba Father,  Help me be aware and be transformed. Help me remember You are the potter and I am the clay - help me learn to see you in more areas of my life and in this snow and in the lives of nature and other people; Help me long for and be transformed into the sweet savor of my Lord. Help me not want to make you in my image; but to stand back and watch as I surrender and I am transformed into the image of Christ.  In the name of the Saviour and Lord, Amen.

Lenten Quiet Day - Wednesday, February 11, 2015

Last week my parish had a Lenten Quiet Day. I didn't put my thoughts on the blog, but I had written them down, so am putting them here now. 

 

Much different then previous years and it was challenging but good.  Historically we’d have Eucharist and then little 10-15 minute meditations with instructions what to write about for the next 30-45 minutes until the next little meditation.  This time we started with reading of the gospel for Lent Sunday 1  (Mark 1:12-15)  about Jesus’ 40 days in the wilderness. As customary, we’re to pick a word of a phrase that stood out to us.  I picked “Repent and Believe” and could sense my inner Pharisee, wringing her hands in glee, and loving that choice that could pull me back into sorting through all my areas of missing the mark and making sure I repented and changed.  Dualism at it’s finest. ; – )  I asked God for a different phrase when the gospel was read the second time. No, I sensed I was to stick with it.  So I did. 40 minutes for meditation/contemplation. I did fairly well watching my thoughts go by rather than thinking my thoughts. Then the Communion and then no instructions except to try to spend the rest of the day with our word or phrase – not for head knowledge but for heart opening.  That nobody would say anything if we read or wrote; but we wee encouraged to try. Whoa!  I am accustomed to letting my brain entertain myself and trying to go 4 hours without mental meanderings really felt like being in the desert... uncomfortable, barren, a bit frightening.

 

A few times I discerned to stick with a thought but most of them I acknowledged and let go.  Here’s the few that were my tutors on de-legalizing that phrase:

(1)  Repent is not just do a 180; but mostly to be aware

(2)  Believe is not the same as behave

(3)  Repent and believe is not childhood echoes of “Deborah Dianne, stop that this instant and behave.”

(4)  Repent and believe is currently more “be aware so you can be transformed”.

 

It was meaningful. I have that peaceful, drowsy, cocooned feeling that comes from hanging out with God; plus my mind is more cooperative because it got a few tidbits to chew over.