Answer to: "So tell me what is Franciscan?"

The first friend I remember having as a child is Janeen. I introduced her to her husband of ... 44 years married!!!! Wow. How time flies. I remember the BRC, Girl Scouts, twirling, playing dolls, your horse, riding bicycles, unscrewing the odometer so Mom wouldn't punish me, playing circus with inner tubes under the dresses we borrowed from our mothers, and your wedding and later babysitting your beautiful little boy. I loved you parents – they were both so kind, fun and involved – and very much in love with each other and it showed.

After writing yesterday's blog entry, Janeen asked me “So tell me what is Franciscan?” Great question. What does becoming Franciscan mean to me. That is a great question as I take my first steps into this new adventure. Thank you for the great question, Janeen.

I'm still learning about St. Francis. He lived in the 12^th century. The movie “Brother Sun, Sister Moon” is about his life. Like many religious orders I've read about, it includes a vow of poverty, chastity and obedience; and I'm sure for married Franciscans the chastity has a different definition but includes enjoying the marital sexual union in a way that honors the partner and God. I was drawn to this order because of the focus on ecology, contemplation and sensing the closeness of God in nature. The area where I may need to grow is in becoming more active on behalf of those who can not stand up for themselves; or maybe my lay ministry will count as being active. I found it interesting the new Roman Catholic Pope was Jesuit but chose Francis as his Pope name because he likes the Franciscan way. Very interesting and I pray he can lead like Jesus and like the ministry of Francis.

This is a new experience for me, so I have a lot to learn about religious orders and especially being Franciscan; so what I say may be incorrect; but it is my early thoughts on what it means to me and how I am interpreting being Franciscan. I also know this understanding will grow and expand through my 3 year training.

I have been blessed the past few years to have a spiritual director; for those who haven't heard that term (like I hadn't 5 years ago) possibly the term spiritual counsellor explains it, too. I periodically talk to my pastor/priest about where I feel lead to go in my Christian walk, where I am struggling and he gives feedback and suggestions to help me; he asks questions to help me clarify my thoughts about the spiritual direction of my life and even guidance on practical things in life that are hindering me spiritually. It's very holy and holistic. On rare times he gives correction or asks questions to help me see myself better so I self-correct with God help. His willingness to walk beside me in my faith journey, and in becoming Franciscan, is important because his ministry will help me grow spiritually. We call it spiritual formation; I think of it as a periodic spiritual health physical; and as a way to become more formed in the image of Christ. (Rom 8.29)

One of the initial steps is creating my “Rule of Life” that will become the foundation for future growth. This Rule has several requirements set by the order and some that are developed between my spiritual director and I as I tweak my obligations to fit my work, church and social life.

EUCHARIST: For me, taking Communion, at least weekly, is imperative and a form of prayer that not only feeds me spiritually and helps me grow; but helps me recognize the unity of all believers and helps me feel connected to them.

PENITENCE: To daily examine my life – not as a way to beat myself up for my mistakes, but to evaluate the areas where I need growth and work on them as God leads. A component of this is forgiving others and repenting and forgiving myself. I find annual confession helpful – I know God has already forgiven me, but talking to my confessor gives me an incentive to keep growing even when it's hard. It also feels very cleansing to hear someone I respect hear my worst thoughts, behavior and actions and reaffirm God has forgiven me and to continue to treat me with love, respect and dignity. He doesn't validate the sin or what lead me into sin; but validates me as a beloved daughter of God.

PERSONAL PRAYER: I am slowly adding part of the Divine Office (Daily Office or Liturgy of the Hours) into my prayer life. I'm moving at a slow and comfortable rate. I like this method of prayer as when I pray these set prayers, I realize thousands or possibly millions of Christians around the world are praying the same prayers throughout the day and it helps me realize “church” is more then my local body or the people I feel affinity with who are in my local body of believers. It also reminds me that through the centuries that Christians have said these same set prayers and it helps me realize that the “church” is more than just the currently alive and walking on earth body, or the people of my denomination; but the sisters and brothers who are in Heaven and those who are yet unborn but called to Him. Since Jesus and the early Christians had set times of prayer through the Jewish faith, I feel united with Christ as I pray at set times. I still have personal prayer of fellowship with God and intercessory prayer for those God lays on my heart. Francis was a Christian mystic and I enjoy Christian meditation and contemplation and find it expands my faith. As I grow into more of the various prayer times, it seems it would be a bit more difficult to fall into sin when I am in the habit of stopping life to get away with God every few hours. I'm not sure how many of the prayers my Rule of Life will include, but that will be a discovery. When I first started these prayers, I was curious if they would become monotonous and rote; that hasn't happened (except occasionally); but usually the prayers grow in depth and get down deep in my heart and change me – which often changes my perception of the personal requests I bring to God.

SELF-DENIAL: This is a way to grow spiritually by telling myself no; and also by saying yes to others. Spiritual direction is helpful in this area because my spiritual director can give feedback and as an experienced director, can see traps ahead and help me guard myself from mistakes. Another part of this is accepting feedback for areas of growth.

RETREATS: Often the retreats are silent retreats. I've attended several and found them very beneficial. Since I live alone, I wasn't certain how I'd manage a silent retreat – to be surrounded by people and keeping mum. I found I loved the companionship of quiet. I found it comfortable and bonding. It has helped me find God in the quiet places of my life... or maybe by becoming aware of God in the quiet places of my life has helped me find God in a community of quiet or even times of noise. Since I sense the presence of God in nature – along the coast, in the mountains, in the breeze and taste of salt air; I feel positive that some quiet retreats will be day trips or half day trips on the trails – with maybe some encouragement and friendliness shared with others on the remote trails in my beautiful Newfoundland. I may not be talking to God, but I will be sensing Him and that awareness of God will follow me back to the bustle of life and work. I also find God when driving on the freeway and when I lived in Tulsa, I`d often put the top down on my Miata and drive the almost deserted freeway downtown in the cool of a hot summer`s night and pulled into the driveway feeling braced and embraced; I doubt if that will become part of my Rule of Life... ;-)

STUDY: My father taught us girls the joy of learning and I've carried that through my life. I am very grateful for that. I have about 40 linear feet of books (mostly Christian) in my bookshelves. I have given away hundreds of books. Now I have the internet and a Kindle. I love to learn – not just from books but from others and from life. As I start to learn about Francis and religious orders, I find the whole process of learning this new topic delightful; yet it's more then the thrill of learning, because I can see how practical this learning can be used in my daily life. This will be an enjoyable aspect of becoming Franciscan and I am willing to have my spiritual director to assist or require specific reading to help me grow.

SIMPLICITY OF LIVING: Even though I live modestly, there are many ways my life becomes devoid of simplicity. Many of those are in my thought life: my home is relatively neat and organized but my inner life, my thought life and my emotional life, is often chaotic and cluttered. One thing mentioned in my reading is a hindrance to simplicity is spending time trying to meet “belonging” needs. Over the past few years I have come to acceptance on being single; however, since the New Year, I have found deep contentment in being solo. Not sure if that is for the rest of my life or for a period of time; but I being single sets well with my soul so it is no issue whichever. Life seems much more serene and simple with letting go of my need for belonging and realizing I belong to God and am blessed to have several good friends who will be there for me and they are women I love and trust and they love and trust me. I've also found being solo in a married world makes it even more of a miracle to have a few married-couple friends. Yet, I also know if any of these people would move away or walk away that I would grieve the loss, but I wouldn't loose the sense of who I am. Their loss would hurt on many levels; but it wouldn't wound my sense of self. Yet, I am sure I will discover many other areas where I can grow in Simplicity. Not sure how simplicity and humility fit together, but I think they are cousins.

WORK: It seems Franciscans have a broad definition of work for Tertiary (Third Order) Franciscans. Third order are those who do not join a monastic order but live in the outside world independently and/or in families; work at jobs and serve God including their Franciscan Rule of Life. Work for Third Order Franciscans includes what we do to earn money, but also what we do to be Christ's hands extended in our family, church, community, country and world. This is an area where I think being a Franciscan will help me grow. So often there are things I want to do as a lay person to show Christ's love and I procrastinate or let it fall through the cracks and it doesn't materialize. I think this will give me the accountability I need to achieve what I haven't been able to self-motivate to do. That will mean people who help me on this journey will be Christ's hands extended to me to help me become rooted in this discipline. In time, hopefully God will use me to help others.

OBEDIENCE: This will include meeting the above obligations and a few others that I will accept when/if I become Franciscan.

Three topicss seemed to recur: Accountability, Outreach and Humility.

Accountability: Being single and living far from family, I know I need the church community to help me not become self focused but keep expanding my life for a more spacious-in-God life.

Outreach: This touches on both Accountability and Motivation to follow through on desires and goals that I felt were planted by God.

Humility: Maybe Surrender is a more accurate word. I know God is enough; however, I have come to recognize that I need the feedback of others to help me stay on the path towards God. Not people who will run my life; but people who care enough about me to be open to observing me and giving valid and valued feedback – even when it may make me cry. The reason I feel this is humility and/or surrender is because I could go the rest of my life thinking I can hear accurately from God and possibly shipwreck my life (been there done that – learned some lessons) (Proverbs 15:22 and more).

Franciscans come in various denominations. I use to think of their order as strictly Roman Catholic (and concrete statues of Francis in the garden with a bird on his finger); but have discovered many denominations have Franciscans. The Catholic/Orthodox tradition: Roman, Greek, Russian, England, etc; but also in other denominations. Although it's not the Missouri Synod, Janeen, there are Lutheran Franciscans: http://lutheranfranciscans.org/Home.html

The first book I read on Francis is "Chasing Francis" and is a novel, not about his life but how practical the Franciscan lifestyle is to today's culture. It's worth a read for any who like to read or would want to read about St. Francis. 

Great question, thank you for having me put my thinking cap on.

God bless you, Janeen, and thank you once again for the great questions.

Update on My Path

Today I went to spiritual direction and confession. I talked to my Benedictine rector who was very understanding of my desire to become Franciscan. I have e-mailed for the application. I feel very excited yet a but nervous about this big step.  Yes, I realize excitement and nervousness are very similar in the physical manifestations they create. I will say it is mostly excitement as that sets in a more peaceful place emotionally.

I sense no reason to be nervous about this new journey. Nervousness seems to imply that this journey becomes a goal rather than a path of adventure. I can see various outcomes:  (a) I find I love the blessings of being Franciscan and it becomes a major part of my practice of Christianity.  (b) I find it helpful in spiritual formation but decide it's not for me; in which case I will have the good lessons learned by the exercise and can step away guilt-free. (c) I discover Third Order life is not for me. I am growing to the place where I will not beat myself up no matter what the outcome but will do my best to listen to God and follow Him. Becoming Franciscan is not a goal for me, it is a potential method to help reach my goal of loving God more and because of that love, being able to love people more.

Instead of finishing the Matthew Fox book, I will follow the directions of my spiritual director. These are my two of my three recommended readings that I will probably journal about here:

Conferences of John Cassiun
Sayings of the Desert Fathers

The day it became available online, I signed up to take Richard Rohr's online class "Beyond the Bird Bath:  Richard Rohr Teaches the Courageous Heart of the Franciscan Way."  It starts April 17 and I am looking forward to it. Hopefully I will have moved into the home I am in the process of purchasing about the time the class starts.  New journey into Franciscianism, New home, New freedom in Christ.


Today at spiritual reading group, the leader had us sit quietly while God gazed at us; later she had us sit quietly to gaze at God. It was only a few years ago and I would have felt shame, guilt and dirty/sinful to have participated in God gazing at me.  Yet, today I could feel the sunshine of God's love pouring into me like a sweet and warm honey. I love sitting quietly and letting God gaze at me; and sitting quiet and gazing at God. It was through the inner quiet of contemplation that I came to befriend the God I have studied in the Bible for decades. The God I meet in contemplation much more resembles the God my Saviour Jesus emulated and taught: the God of love and dignity rather then a God of reward and punishment based on rule-keeping.

I am concerned the next will sound vain; however, it is not coming from that egocentric space, but from great humility, reverence and incredible awe.  The more I know God, the more I know me; the more I know me, the more I know God.  That makes Biblical sense as John 14:20 and many other verses explain God in me and me in God. It is a wonderful concept that gives me... the fruit of the spirit... the joy, the happiness, the ability to be kind when part of me wants to be rude. Paul tells us that we are dead and the life we now live is Christ. Knowing this truth is why I can sit and openly let God gaze at me without feeling shame, inadequate or fear.

I am soooo blessed by my loving Father.

Debbie

Reading: "Original Blessing" by Matthew Fox - Path 2, Step 12

Step 12:  Being Emptied:  Letting Pain be pain:  Kenosis

p. 141 - When Christ was in pain, we were in pain. All creatures of God's creation that can suffer pain suffered with him. The sky and the earth failed at the time of Christ's dying because he too was part of nature. - Julian of Norwich.

 I like what Julian of Norwich says.  What an enlightened woman. I can see why she is under consideration sainthood and to become a doctor of the church.  I find it interesting that Roman Catholic women can't become priests, yet four women are now Doctors of the Church.

p. 141 - It would seem that our culture is not well adapted to deal with pain. Pain is today's unmentionable reality, much as sex was unmentionable in the Victorian period.  And pain is everywhere--deep, ineffable, unfathomable, cosmic pain. And it needs to be named for what it is so that we can pray our pain, i.e. enter into it. 

 I like what the author says. It's so easy to ignore or minimize pain to not have to sit with it (or pray our pain as the author says).  I wish the Bible gave more concrete examples of how Jesus prayed his pain. He wept when Lazaruth died and he sweat tears of blood in Gethsemane - but the Bible says so minimal about Christ's inward journey that it is easy to think of it as a "doing" journey and not a "being" journey. That mindset pulls me into right/wrong, black/white, good/bad mindset that isn't healthy or productive.

p. 142 - Love your enemies.  Pain is our enemy, but that is no excuse to run from embracing it, kissing it long enough so that we might truly let go of it. There is no way to let go of pain without first embracing it and loving it--not as pain but as a sister and brother in our dialectical living of both pleasure and pain.  Eros does not come without a price. 

 I understand the author's thoughts on embracing something so we can let it go.

I have been thinking of ways to embrace my pain in a particular relationship mentioned yesterday, so I can let it go. Sitting there and listening I can sometimes use a meditative style of letting it go overhead and not grabbing it but releasing it as soon as it hits; my concern is that I'll let everything this person says float overhead and not be able to participate or hear even healthy communication.

Other times, it sneaks in and pierces me in the old wounds and the skin next to the tough scars is torn and causes new woundedness.

The only options I see today are (1) running from the pain; (2) hiding from the pain; (3) being a martyr to the pain; (4) partially protecting myself so the pain isn't constant but intermittent as I can handle it.

An online friend suggested spiritual direction to help me evaluate options, find new options and work through this fiendish situation.

p. 142 - First comes the embrace, the allowing of pain to be pain; next comes the journey with the pain; then the letting go, but in a deliberate manner, into a fire, into a cauldron where the pain's energy will serve us. And finally comes the benefit we do indeed derive from having burned this fuel. Pain is meant to give us energy. 

I found this interesting, especially the timing. A friend from across the pond and I made paper rulers and burned them at 12:30 GMT. These were symbolic of the times we have measured ourselves unfairly and unjustly, the times we've felt measured inaccurately. For me, it's a putting away of self-condemnation and taking up new self-gentleness.  It's embracing that pain and letting it go.


p. 143 - pain helps us to understand other people in pain. Pain is profoundly social, it is eminently shareable, and it is no coincidence that the privatizing of pain, the covering up of pain in our culture, parallels the privatizing of body and pleasure and spirituality in our culture and religions. A healthy experience of letting pain be pain is always a schooling in compassion. For when a person has suffered deeply even once and has owned that suffering, that person can never forget and never fail to recognize the pain of others. Pain is the most legitimate school for compassion that I know of. 

I can relate with that. The times of immense pain; are the times when my ability to recognize and speak compassion soared. I've even eventually found compassion for the ones who caused me pain.  Many times I've found ways to stay in a limited relationship with those who continue to cause me pain and I am rewarded because of that... not only for my self-protective boundaries but by the limited friendship I can embrace. 

p. 143 - pain helps us to understand pleasure and to criticize it. ... allowing us to experience how the true pleasures in our lives are of the simplest, most shareable kind. 

I understand and agree with that.  Pain slows us down inside so we can experience those simple pleasure and often share them with others. 


p. 144 - pain enlivens us and gives us energies that embarking on pain and making that journey toughens us up. 

There are times I worry that if I get any tougher that I'll be impenetrable like shoe leather. How do you toughen up and keep a heart of compassion?

The two ideas of toughening and of growing in compassion seem at odds to me at this time in my journey. 

p. 145 - men who discover their gentle sides in our culture is, that too often these men mistake gentleness for passivity and weakness.  Sensitivity, which includes sensitivity to pain, also demands strength. A new kind of strength, it is true; the strength of endurance and perseverance; the strength that solitude requires; the strength that vulnerability is about. This strength does not come from willing it or gritting our teeth. It comes from undergoing pain--unwished-for, unplanned, unhearalded pain. There is a strength learned from suffering that cannot be learned any other way. For suffering tests the depth of our love of life and relationship even when and especially because relationships are so often the cause of our suffering. 

Gender Bias Alert:  I think women are better equipped to embrace pain. We're the ones who go through pms, cramps, pain of first intercourse, labour, delivery, hot flashes, etc. The physical pain associated with being female helps us develop compassion. Then there is the emotional pain of being female: the glass ceiling and the "good-ol'-boys" club at work, the wolf whistles and cat calls that objectify us, rape, abuse, etc. Although I had sons, I'm sure there is pain of seeing our female offspring suffer through the same problems of being female in a male dominate society.

Even with all that, I am grateful to be female. I am grateful to have felt the monthly life and death forces within me - the dying ovum and the pain of my body and emotions for not having conceived and the pain of cramps; or the pain of having conceived to bring forth a child. The emotional, hormonal and physical pain of menopause when our bodies lose their ability to re-create - an issue men never face since they stay fertile as long as they live.  I can't imagine living in a body that had not experienced those life and death forces. The bonding those experiences have with other women and gay friends who empathize.


p. 145 - suffering is the manner in which letting pain be pain links us with others.  All social movements and organization were born of pain. Not privatized pain or pain kept to oneself or the wallowing in one's own pain, but pain shared. 

I have been very blessed because I have an online community and we work through our pain together. It has helped me be open to others in new ways. It has given me a more egalitarian outlook and a humbler attitude about what I know and don't know... and I don't know nearly as much as I once thought I did. ;-D

The parish I attend has started a grief support and a depression support group. I think that is wonderful.  There is almost no support groups for what I was going through so I am thankful I found online. I want to write a book to share my story to help others heal. I had 50 chapters of 180 chapter devotional completed when my computer crashed. I took it in stride, I'm sure a re-do will just be better because I've continued to grow as a compassionate woman.

p. 146 - Some suffering--that which leads to birthing--can be a blessing

I think all suffering leads to birthing. A few off the top of my head births that I have experienced: growth in interpersonal relationships, becoming less demanding, losing unrealistic expectations and still learning to get rid of expectations so I can experience healthier relationships, learning boundaries, learning the language of compassion, learning to listen more carefully, learning to listen to others pain without offering guidelines unless asked, learning there are safe people and unsafe people, learning to share the pain with one or two people instead of limelighting it, learning where I need to do more boundary work, learning to express my emotions, learning to have limited relationships with some people, learning to love people even when they cause pain, learning to trust God through the pain, learning to trust pain is a teacher, learning pain eventually reduces and stops if I learn the lesson it brings, learning humility because I know I didn't figure these on my own but through God and His children who walked with me in the pain, learning to be strong for myself during pain and to ask for help when I need it.  

p. 147 - I must emphasize how important it is that we not glorify pain or cling to our pain or wallow in our pain. That is not letting pain be pain--that way lies letting pain be our boss. 

I agree. I also know there are times of reprocessing the pain as I grow in other areas. I am not fearful of those times because I know I will learn and they will pass. It doesn't mean I didn't heal - it just means I am healing at a deeper level.  I am currently having some pain because a court order issued 2-1/2 years ago was not followed and for my financial future, I have to write and file a contempt of court and do the court thing once again. It is causing me to reprocess a very difficult and painful time of my life.

But I know the One who has laid it on my heart to not let this continue to slide but to be proactive. I think it is a good time because I am more healed now and it should not cause too deep of damage. Unfortunately, I feel like a bully for doing this; yet I know it was because the other party did not obey the judge that it has come to this.  I wish the court system kept a tracking system and when somebody did not follow the judge's decree, it would automatically be taken care of.  Unfortunately, it is the other party who is responsible to assure the other side dots each i and crosses each t.  This too shall pass and I will (not might) grow because of it and I will experience a new round of healing... which will give me more joy and peace.

"Original Blessing" by Matthew Fox - Path 2, Step 11

Step 11:  Emptying:  Letting go of images and letting silence be silence.

p. 135 - For growth of the human person takes place in the dark. Under ground. In subterranean passages. There, where "no image has ever reached into the soul's foundation," God alone works. A light-oriented spirituality is superficial, surface-like, lacking as it does the deep, dark roots that nourish and surprise and ground the large tree. 

I like that definition. The more I stay awake to living my life, the more I perceive the darkness and I realize it nourishes me and helps me grow. Darkness - the vitamins of a healthy life.  Well, my life isn't 100% healthy but I am making strides. Recognizing the purpose of darkness takes away the fear of it. 

p. 135 -  The dark is "all that we are afraid of, all that we don't want to see--fear, anger, sex, grief, death, the unknown."  The way of the unconscious mind or the "right brain" is the way of darkness. The depths of our being are not all sunlit; to see clearly, we must be willing to dive into the dark, inner abyss and acknowledge the creatures we may find there. 

It makes sense the darkness would be right brain - where feelings, intuition and creativity exist. Entering the darkness lets me experience all of me... all of life; and I learn to trust God when I have no intellectual clue what is going on.

p. 135 - It is healthy to reflect on how in fact our lives are already bound in darkness without our having to perform any extraordinary manipulations. 

Agreed. Manipulation of self or others is not only confusing, it makes it nigh impossible to recognize truth.

p. 135 - The womb was dark and not fearful. 

I like that analogy; yet having carried two sons to term, I question if there was fear towards the end when they were cramped, uncomfortable and hugged very tight by periodic Braxton-Hicks. Yet, the image of being carried in the warm womb, is still a good analogy of finding inner peace - especially peace during the spiritual wildnerness of darkness.

p. 136 - Silence means the letting go of all images -- whether oral ones or auditory ones or visual ones or inner ones or cognitive ones or imaginative ones.

Contemplation is inner silence. Sometimes I find comfort in the hum of voices and machinery nearby - it reminds me my silence is part of something bigger and greater than me and the world.  Voices and machinery don't stop just because I stop participating in the noise. Then I let go of the noise, or maybe I become once again as insignificant as the noise,  and return to the peace of silence.  To float in the womb of God's love - awaiting having new areas of my life being reborn to resemble Christ.

p. 137-138 - the human race cannot continue to afford to flee the darkness and to embrace an Enlightenment that does not include an Endarkenment.

The book was first published in 1983. I think the human race is dividing into those who are willing to look at the darkness, those who are unaware of darkness and those who intentionally shun the darkness. Yet, I think more people are becoming aware there is spirituality in darkness as well as light.

"Original Blessing" by Matthew Fox - Path 2

Path 2:  Befriending Darkness, letting go and letting be: The Via Negativa.

p. 130 - When one has sufferened deep pain and allowed the pain to be pain, one can visit the Grand Canyon and learn that it has nothing on the human person who is even deeper and more powerfully carved over millions of years by the flowing tides of pain. 

I can understand how pain carves deep wounds; however, the wounds are as beautiful as the grandiosity of the Grand Canyon.  Jesus had the deepest wounds as He carried the sins and woundedness of all humanity - and his hands and feet will eternally stand as a beautiful tribute to healed pain.

p. 130 - One could have predicted the loss of the Via Negativa in the West because of the fact that the Via Positiva and a spirituality of pleasure and hospitality were so profoundly silenced for so long. There is no Via Negativa without a Via Positiva.  How can one let go of what one has not fallen in love with? The depth of nothingness is directly related to the experience of everythingness. 

I can understand this because I was not taught  the Via Negativa or Via Positiva; yet, I find both beautiful and an important part of my Christianity as I study them and talk about them with others in my parish. The letting go goes along with what I learned in 12-step, which was a journey that brought me closer to God.

"Original Blessing" by Matthew Fox - Path 1, Theme 10

Path 1, Theme 10:  Sin, Salvation, Christ from the Perspective of the Via Positiva: A Theology of Creation and Incarnation.

p. 119 - The sinful consciousness that lies behind ecological sin is that of a dualistic mentality that treats other creatures in a subject/object fashion of manipulation and control. This dualism accounts for the sin of putting the egological ahead of the ecological. 

As I started to read, I thought of Genesis where God gave man dominion over earth. But what kind of ruler (person with dominion) pollutes and ravages his kingdom?  It makes no sense. I understand the egological - the I want what I want and if it pollutes the earth, harms my neighbor, causes pain to others - then the ego does it anyway and lets the chips fall where they may.  But a wise person nurtures relationships and ecology and puts the health of all humanity above their own ego needs. Whether that be emotionally, friendship, global or cosmic.  We're not the all in all - God is the All in All.

p. 119 - Another sin of omission that is named for us in the Via Positiva is the sin of limiting, always guarding or policing, pleasure.  This sin of omitting Eros or love of life from our lives expresses itself in a preference for Thanatos, love of death.  Thanatos represents the preoccupation with death, with the putting off of death, or with clinging to death-filled objects. By sinning in this way we refuse to fall in love with life, to love what is lovable, to savor life's simple and non-elitist pleasures, to befriend pleasure, to celebrate the blessings of life, to return thanks for such blessings by still more blessing.

I perceive myself as embracing both Eros and Thanatos. I am learning to love life... but even more surprising and mysterious is I'm learning to love MY life. I'm sure some people would look at my life and wonder why I would love it. It's a simple life that has had a bumpy, painful road and often a life traveled alone, yet seldom have I been lonely as I am a good companion to me and God is a companion.  That doesn't mean I don't have some close friends whom I love; because I do and they bring me pleasure and sometimes the pain of growing in deeper relationships. 

Yet, I embrace Thanatos in a realistic way. This earth suit is not eternal but has an unknown expiration date. I accept it will wear out and pass away and be planted in the ground to spout for my glorified body that Paul talks about. I can rejoice in that, too.  I recognize life at work in my body but I also recognize death there, too: encapsulated and to be released at a future, unknown time. I am accepting of that... I won't say fate but truth since it will happen to all.

Even recognizing the occasional death-pang, that is like Braxton-Hicks contractions to an expectant mother - a reminder of the future change;  yet life is good and worth living. I like growing old because my energy is less so I have learned to be more gentle with myself - and that skill can now be graced to others in how I manage my half of relationships.

I didn't even know I could enjoy this life, until I discovered I was ill. It seems there is inverse proportion: the healthier I was the less I enjoyed life and the sicker I become the more I enjoy life. I think part of that is from the old St. Peter at the gate jokes.  What if I got to the pearly gate and the only question I was asked to obtain entrance was, "Debbie, did you enjoy the life God gave you?"  I'd hem and haw and blush and look at my shoes and say, "Well, I always thought I'd enjoy it when it got better, so it didn't happen. I apologize for wasting my one life on earth."   I don't think there is any entrance questions to go through the pearly gates; but that did get me to thinking that if I'm going to enjoy my life - I'd better do it today because there is no guarantee there is a tomorrow or that tomorrow would meet my egocentric criteria for what I needed to enjoy life. I am very grateful for that lesson. 


p. 120 - When religion fails to celebrate authentic Eros in our lives, we fall into ersatz pleasures which are subject/object pleasures that can be bought and sold but do not satisfy. 

As a recovered addict, I can sooooo relate to that.  One of the things I find interesting is when I was in the charismatic circles, we were often taught on how to enjoy life and even how/why to increase the joy of marital relations; yet a lot of what I was taught was egocentric and anti-sin, anti-immaturity. God calls me to the liturgical area of the body and I'm taught how to be more expansive, to mature, to redefine sin to take it out of legalism, but I've heard almost no teaching on enjoying life or sex. It made me chuckle that some of the best teaching I've listened to on sex was from a celibate Catholic priest, Fr. Richard Rohr.  Yet, with my almost 10 years of celibacy, I have learned more about my own sexuality then I did in 35 years of marriage.  Sometimes the way God teaches makes me giggle.

p. 120 - One scholar tells us that for St. Francis salvation meant "enchanted existence." 

Since this blog is my journey into discovering if I am to become Franciscan, I smiled when I saw a quote by St. Francis. I agree with him, living in Christ and having Christ in me is an "enchanted existence."

p. 121  - ... a greater reverence for our uniqueness, and therefore a greater reverence for that of God's other creatures.

I have found that in my life. It started with realizing the more I loved God, the more I loved me and the more I could love others.  I came to realize the more I know God, the more I know me and the more I want to know and connect with others. Thus, that sentence helped me realize that the more I reverence my own uniqueness the more I reverence other creatures.

p. 122 - Ironically, Jesus, who comes to announce the presence of the kingdom/queendom of God, is mocked at the end of his life with a crown of thorns and an inscription that he is "king of the Jews."  Yet he came not to be king himself--he rejects those temptations in Luke 3:21-4:14 -- but to redefine kingship and to redistribute it so that everyone realizes that he or she is king or queen, a royal person with dignity and responsibility to the cosmos. 

Not much to say about that; but I loved the wording and the teaching. It's very appropriate during this Lenten season. 
  
p. 124 - He calls us also to follow him, to guest, host and Eucharist to one another, to be alive, to be eaten and consumed. If every human person is truly made after this person's image, then hospitality becomes the empowerment of every individual: we can all do it, we are reassured.  We can trust and our trust will heal us.

I know my priest often talks about this and I love the concept. Yet, there is some fear of stepping off the deep end and participating more in being Eucharist to one another.  Yet there are times with people I love and trust that I can do that. But I'm not out of fear enough to have made much progress. But I'm God's craftsmanship, so it is all in His timing and I can trust Him to lead me on the right path. 


p. 124 - He [Jesus] chose the way and the lifestyle of the story-teller, the parable-maker who fashions a new creation out of the holy materials of the only creation we all share in common:  the birds, the lilies of the field, the fishes caught, the fig tree in bloom, the sheep versus the goats, the leaven in the bread, the mustard seeds of the world, and the rains that fall on the unjust and the just alike.  His reverence for nature was so great that the creatures of nature were indeed his teachers, his professors, who he recognized instinctively were looking "on him with affectionate looks" and with truth to tell. 

I realize I've often missed Professor bird, Instructor Fish, and Teacher Rain to instruct me. My prayer has been for a more simple life where I become aware and love creation (including  people) enough that I can perceive and accept the lessons they teach.


p. 124-125 - He teaches a blessing theology, how to receive blessing and bestow it, that culminates in the blessings of the Beatitudes. He also insists that the blessings are for all, especially the lame and sick, the poor and the widowed. Royal personhood is no longer restricted to any blood line. 

I've memorized them, read books, commentaries and heard sermons on the Beatitudes (Matthew 5: 2-17) and I don't get it. The closest it comes to making any sense (but still very little) is from Word on the Street Bible that says:

I’ll tell you who’ll laugh last: the people who don’t think too much of themselves, who knows they’re a mess—their ticket to heaven’s already in the post (first class).

Who’ll be happy? The people who know about grief, who don’t shove the mess behind the sofa, but face it—God himself is going to put his arm round them.

Who’ll be content? The modest, gentle types, who don’t go round grabbing—they’ll get given the world.

Who’ll be laughing? The people who only want to do the right thing, like it’s their food and drink—their “good news in tray’ will be piled high.

Who’ll be laughing? The people who don’t hold grudges, who forgive and forget—they’ll get treated likewise.

Who’s laughing, deep down, already? The people who aren’t polluted with stuff that mugs the heart—they’ll get to see God.

Who’s laughing, deep down? The people who stop fights and start friendships, who turn fists into high fives—they’ll get known as God’s children.

Who’s laughing? The people who get slapped down for doing the right thing—they get given the security code to heaven’s gates.

And you’re laughing if people despise you. You’re delirious if they pick on you. If they slag you off just because you’re on my side—throw a party! Go wild! Paint the town—your bonus in heaven is hitting the humongous mark. Because that’s exactly what they did to all the couriers who prophesied my arrival.”

In God's timing maybe it will happen.

"Original Blessing" by Matthew Fox - Path 1, Theme 9

Theme 9:  Holiness as cosmic hospitality: Creation ecstasies shared constitute the holy prayer of thanksgiving and praise.  

p. 108 - What is the test that you have indeed undergone this holy birth? Listen carefully.  If this birth has truly taken place within you, then every single creature points you toward God - Meister Eckhart

I am not there.. I am making baby steps and learning it is possible to see God in all and desiring that  to manifest more fully in my life.

I sense it in the bright sky and sunshine. I sense it in the breeze whispering against my skin. I sense it in the smile of others. I sense it when there is a bonding of eye contact. I sense it when driving around curves in the road. I sense it feeling the rays of the sun against my bare skin. I sense it in the daisies as they dance in the breeze. I sense it in the lightening. I sense it in tornadoes. I sensed it when carrying my unborn children.

p. 110 - a perfection quest is an ego quest and not a deeply spiritual quest of the human person. 

I can so relate with that. I have been trapped in narrow, egocentric quest and am grateful that I am coming out to a new spacious place with freedom and light.

p. 110 - The fact is that for people who have truly learned to trust creation one of the first lessons is how beauty and imperfection go together. Every tree is beautiful; but if you approach it closely enough you will see that every tree is imperfect.  The same is true of the human body: every human body is beautiful, but every human body is imperfect. 

As consumerism increases and my age increase, I really enjoy quotes like that. It helps put things into a more functional perspective.

p. 111 - It is in fact our imperfections that most unites us and makes us a social organism whose parts are busy assisting one another. For it is shared weakness and need that draws from a group its gifts and powers of healing. A perfection-oriented spirituality of holiness is intrinsically privatizing and does not lead to a spirituality for the people.

I like that.  I remember a fear of being known as imperfect, weak or struggling and that impacted on hiding who I was from others. Now I can state who I am - hopefully in a way that is dignified to me and dignified without hooks for the other. I am also free to not state who I am and not feel shame or guilt when I am reticent.

p. 111 - how much of the quest for perfection is a look back, a nostalgic quest for a time that never was.

I had to think about that for a while.  About the time I thought I understood it, it was fleetingly gone.

p. 111 - There are also deeply serious biblical problems with the understanding of holiness as "perfection."  The text invariably invoked for this definition... (Matthew 5:48) simply "does not refer to moral perfection" and "does not have here the later Greek meaning of being totally free of imperfection.  The Greek word that has been misleadingly translated as "be you perfect" is teleioi, which means, "be full-grown, be adult, be complete and whole."  The text has a parallel in Luke's Gospel which could hardly be more straightforward: "Be you compassionate as your Creator in heaven is compassionate." (Luke 6:36). 

I have struggled for decades in trying to be perfect like God. I was not created in the God class - but in the creation class; therefore that type of perfection is closed to me.  However, I can understand growing in the type of compassion God has. 

p. 112 - Consumerism, like fall/redemption religion, plays on our inferiority complexes, on the fears of guilt or inhibitions we possess from not being perfect.   Interestingly enough, the idea that perfection is the meaning for salvation is very much an idea of the Gnostics. The best way to undercut such potent appeals to our weakest sides is to let go of the quest for perfection and to sink more deeply into a spiritual value system that cherishes what is and considers isness holy. 

I like that. To me it says accept what is right now as the place God has lead you or chosen for you to be.  Not only accept it but like Paul, to even glory in our infirmities (2 Corinthians 12).  There is a huge learning curve on that one. Some days I've taken a few baby steps to that freedom and then run back to the comfort of trying to become a new and improved and perfect model of humanity once again. Three steps forward and one back... patterns: changing long-held, knee-jerk reactions to life. I am grateful for the progress.

p. 112 - this banquet we call creation, the human planet. It works for our benefit if we behave toward it as reverent guests. 

Since I'm new to nurturing earth (and myself and others and....) I like the idea of thinking not only of the planet as a place to practice being a reverent guest but also to think of others that way. 

p. 113 - Hospitality is about a relationship--one cannot be hospitable without guests.  God not only plays the host for us and becomes the banquet for us; God also has become guest for us. This is one of the deep meanings of the Incarnation, that God let go of hosting long enough to become guest as well. 

What a wonderful example to explain Incarnation, Trinity and Eucharist. 

p. 115 - True holiness, full hospitality, leads to gratitude. 

In my walk, joy has lead to gratitude; especially when I am overflowing with joy through the hard times. I don't know why God chose to make me a sponge to soak up His joy; but He did and I am grateful. From that joy, other blessings of God flows. It's not something I did or even tried to achieve - it's all a mystery of grace.