Reading: "I am Nujood, Age 10 and Divorced" by Nujood & Delphini Minoui

It's been a while since I've read a book that I couldn't put down. It touched my heartstrings in many ways.

The first half of the book is a vignette of the young heroine, Nujood, who lives in Yemen. It is the story of a child married against her will or consent at the age of 9 to a man over three times her age. There was no gentleness or compassion as he assaulted her physically and sexually and her mother-in-law showed her no kindness or compassion after he repeatedly raped his child-bride. That part of the story was handled very delicately as befits the dignity and understanding of a child; I am grateful that the major details were minimized although alluded to. A few months later, she begged him to visit her family and he agreed.  While there, she ran away and went to court to ask a judge to grant her a divorce. She was fortunate to find a judge with young daughters who took compassion on her plight and found her a female attorney who was active in trying to stop the practice of marrying off young children.

The second half of the book is about her life after the divorce. Because of laws and family devotion, she chose to move back home to hopefully protect her young sister from the same abusive fate. There are time of misery, occasional sparks of childhood and comments of maturity as she processed what she'd been through.

The book covers her life from 2008-2009.  I searched online to see if her life improved.  Apparently her teen years are still fraught with financial struggles as her father bought two more wives and has had 14 more children -- using the money earned from her book that was to be used to help the existing family and to pay for her education.  The father kicked her out but continues to collect the royalties of her book. As a minor she has no say, nor can the publisher send her the money to her until she reaches her majority.  The father also sold Nujood's younger sister into marriage at a young age.

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/mar/12/child-bride-father-cash-spend
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nujood_Ali

There has been a movie made of her life.

I found this video by National Geographic that explains the multi-faceted issue with trying to ban child marriages:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7c_zppPutQw  It is not just Islam but all major world religions, including Christianity, who practice selling their daughters young as a child bride.

In the roots of Christianity, Judaism, a girl had to be 3 years and 1 day old before having sexual intercourse with her husband.   http://discover-the-truth.com/2013/09/14/bible-child-marriage-in-ancient-israelite-times-paedophilia/

I'm grateful I live in modern times and in Western society.

Reading: Power vs Force by David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D.

I enjoy reading. Sometimes it gives me words to better understand what's already growing inside; sometimes it hones and develops what's already there; sometimes it opens new vistas. I decided to start writing some blogs about books I read - not only to help me have a concise way to go back and see my own journey; but hopefully it will encourage others to read.

I've never been great at summarizing. Now that I'm 65 (how did that happen?), I decided to develop my summarizing skills in part by writing a summary of what I learned reading a book.

I enjoyed reading "Power vs Force: The Hidden Determinents of Human Behavior" by David R. Hawkins.

Power is personal power used to make the world better; Force is stealing power and makes the world and others wounded.  Using applied kineseology, he assigns numbers from 0 to 1000 to explain where we are on the consciousness scale (Think Maslow's Heirarchy of Needs).  The lower the number the more force a person exhibits and the greater propensity to act from selfish and  unmercifulness.  The higher the number, the greater the power and the greater influence we exert on the world.

He writes the average person will only grow 5-10 points throughout our life. He says great love or great pain/failure are the catalysts for growth (reminded me of Richard Rohr's book, "Falling Upward") and often 12-step programs are very helpful in growing more then those few points.

As the higher numbers permeates a person's life, the more non-dualism they have and how they have more peace, influence and power to encourage change in self, others and the world.  People like Mother Theresa who spent her life to help others who were not of her religion, nationality, socio-economic, or educational background - but she was still Christ's hands extended without trying to change the person but loving them and allowing God to change them. The more dualistic a person is, the more force they need to create a space where they are comfortable and they are very uncomfortable with people who are different and they are willing to fight or die to coerce people to be just like them.

I found this book helpful as it built on what I already knew about the two halves of life from Rohr's book; yet it gave greater detail and ways to "test" to more accurately see where I am so I can see what direction to take to mature.  

I'm sure with a second read, I'd find many other things to write about. It's got many streams of wisdom throughout; but personal and spiritual growth is where my mind is, so that's the main area I took away from this reading.

Think Green - Gratitude

I will never (I hope) look at eating the same way again.  This may be a bit scattered as I'm putting my thoughts into words as I form my evolving fascination with God's creation.

The more I read about plants, plant communication, plant community, and as I find God in nature to a greater extent, the more it changes me and hopefully as a believer, an individual, in my communication and in my community. 

Humans exhale carbon dioxide that plants need; plants exhale oxygen that humans (and animal life needs).  I'm mostly vegan - at first it was for health reasons, but it is changing to conscientious reasons.  But humans need fuel - and that fuel, for me, is plant life with occasional dairy and rare animal protein.

I'm thinking plants are sentient, and I'm mostly convinced they are since they live in community and help each other and communicate. I realize plants give up their lives for the animal kingdom... so we can eat them and thrive. Are they aware of their sacrifice?  I don't know, but it seems their community would recognize their absence since plants communicate through their root system.

I see the spark of God in them since they are part of his creation and they are alive - and life is from Him. How can I eat a slice of toast or bowl of blueberries or eat smashed frozen bananas (vegan ice cream) without recognizing those plants gave up their life for ME.  How can I not see my Redeemer's love in them since He did the same.  In Jesus' teachings, he often took common, every-day scenes and turned them into life-altering parables. Seeds scattered on different soils, the mustard seed, fields white and ready for harvest, the parable of the enemy who sowed weeds in a farmer's field. How close to nature my Lord lived.

His last supper included him taking common wine and common unleavened bread and saying, "This is my body given for you." and "This is my blood shed for you."    I have been able to perceive Jesus in the Sunday communion table; but now I see him in the species of bread and wine - because they come from God's creation.  I am starting to see Him in all the food at my family table, too.

As I express my gratitude and thanksgiving for the green beans on my plate,  as I express my gratitude and thanksgiving for His holy Eucharist; and as I express my gratitude and thanksgiving for his sacrifice; I see the inter-connectedness of all things. I see more and more of all things in Him and me in Him as a part of all things. How can help but feel grateful and offer thanks. How can I feel anything but humbled by both the Lord who offered his life for me, and the potato who died for me.

Think Green - Plants as a Model for Faith Community

Once again, it's been a while since I've written here.  I've been thinking of the first Bible - Nature - which existed long before the oral tradition or written scriptures.  The Old Testament says, "The heavens proclaim the glory of God. The skies display His craftsmanship.  Day after day they continue to speak; night after night they make Him known.  They speak without a sound or word; their voice is never heard.  Yet their message has gone throughout the earth, and their words to all the world:  God. (Psalms 19:1-4a - liberty taken with punctuation since the original Hebrew had no punctuation marks.)  and "I look at your heavens, which you made with your fingers. I see the moon and stars, which you created." Psalm 8.3.

This summer, I've been finding God in nature.  Nature brings me back to science and I see such a beautiful correlation between creation and science; especially the science of quantum physics. In the class I attended in Missouri last fall, the speaker talked about electrons and how they may appear for a very brief amount of time and then disappear. The speaker said it is possible that only one electron exists and it "populates" every atom in the universe.  I certainly don't know enough about chemistry or physics to have an educated opinion; but I found it interesting. 

But back to nature and God.  I've been listening to plant music such as https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZX5B_p79V4 - which starts out tentative while the plant "adjusts" to hearing him/herself and then joyfully singing a concert.   That lead me to figure out how they got the plant to make music.  Which lead me that if a plant can make music, then what else do they do?  What kind of communicators are they? 

Flabbergasting!  Amazing! Astounding!   Plants communicate with each other. They use their roots as communication devices. If one plant is stressed, it communicates that to other plants so they can be proactive in case the stressor would happen to them. They nurture their young.  They communicate with insects through colours and odors.  I had tears the next time I mowed the grass because I read that the beautiful odor of mown grass is how they warn each other "watch out - we're getting cut into pieces." 

What really impressed me is if one part of a forest is low on a certain mineral, that the needy plant/plants communicate that information through their collective root system where other plants help broadcast the need throughout the forest or garden. When plants in another part of the forest or garden receive the plea for help, they send the needed mineral through their collective root system so it is delivered to the one(s) in need.

What would our human counterpart's faith communities need to become as smart and generous as our chlorophyll brothers and sisters.  I intuit the plants don't ask for credentials, doctrines or lifestyle before they are willing to do rescue work.  

They not only give to other plants, they breathe carbon dioxide and emit the oxygen that animals require to live.  I'm discovering plants are very good at accepting NIP (negative interference patterns) and giving calmness and hope. I haven't read it or even know if it happens - but it seems that when I give my NIPs to the big tree in my back yard; they are replaced with God's peace and deep joy.  Just as a tree uses my exhaled carbon dioxide and turns it into oxygen; possibly a tree turns my NIPs into God's peace.

I also have to remember my Saviour died on a TREE....   it wouldn't surprise me if the Prince of Peace would imbue his death instrument with His marvelous peace to share with humanity.... through the root system. 

Father, help me go deep in my faith so I can hear pleas for help and do what You have called me to do. Help me be as smart and godly as your tree creations. Amen.  


 

When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, The moon and the stars, which You have ordained; - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Nature#sthash.lv3eQerd.dpuf

When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, The moon and the stars, which You have ordained; - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Nature#sthash.lv3eQerd.dpuf

When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers, The moon and the stars, which You have ordained; - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Nature#sthash.lv3eQerd.dpuf

a man and a woman in a garden alone while naked; but they were not ashamed.

"And the Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be by himself: I will make one like himself as a help to him..... And the Lord God sent a deep sleep on the man, and took one of the bones from his side while he was sleeping, joining up the flesh again in its place: And the bone which the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman, and took her to the man.  And the man said, This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh: let her name be Woman because she was taken out of Man. For this cause will a man go away from his father and his mother and be joined to his wife; and they will be one flesh. And the man and his wife were without clothing, and they had no sense of shame."  Genesis 2:18, 22-25; BBE)

I read a good book a few years ago by T. D. Jakes entitled "Naked but Not Ashamed." If I recall correctly he talked about the balance of walking in the fruit of the spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, self-control, etc.) while still being authentically vulnerable as ourselves - with naked, unmasked honesty and openness.  But I want to talk about this topic from another direction:  physical self-acceptance.

Here's how I see it:

Adam awoke from the God-ordained surgical sleep and saw Eve. Adam said, "Wow! Thank you, God. This is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh."  I doubt if Adam compared Eve to the cattle of the fields, the birds of the air or the fish in the sea and since she was the first woman there was no other female of their kind to compare her to.  I imagine when he saw her for the first time, his eyes practically popped out of his head. I recall reading my sons the Seventh Day Adventist Bible books for children. If I recall correctly, Adam looked like a Ken doll; Eve had a beautiful face, slender body with bikini portions hidden behind foliage and her long, blonde hair blowing across her face. Could be a Hollywood movie with picture perfect people in a picture perfect garden. Or maybe the picture depicted was from Hitler's Aryan dream?  After all, many photos show my beautiful Savior looking more Aryan then Hebrew with straight blondish hair and blue eyes when chances are he would have been dark olive skinned with black curly hair and twinkling brownish-black eyes.

The new first couple had one advantage modern people don't have. They hadn't been programmed by media and societal dictates of what qualified as beauty. I imagine when we think of the "perfect" first couple that we mentally visualize what our society and culture has brainwashed us to believe.  Having been raised in the US, that would be Ken and Barbie. The man a head taller then the woman with thick hair, square jaw, ears tight to the head, full lips, smooth shaved, wide straight shoulders, erect posture, narrow hips, slight buttock curve, long slim legs and a flat tummy.  Barbie, is similar only with exaggerated feminine characteristics.  

When I taught at university, I had several conversations with a student from an African country where the ideal woman was over 400 pounds although his culture preferred slenderness in men. He said it showed the man provided well for his woman if she could gain weight and the bigger the better.... even if she got too heavy to walk, then the man would hire men to carry her on a litter so she could move from place to place.  In fact he asked me if my husband beat me because I was so scrawny that I would be a shame to my husband and family.  I feel positive that his view of Adam and Eve's appearance would be much different then the story book drawing.

I was bemoaning my currently unpopular body style of narrow shoulders, wide hips and pillow thighs to a friend.  His comment was I have to remember my genealogy and body style show Southern European stock. He said Northern European women tend to have broader shoulders, narrow hips and slender legs but the further south the narrow shoulders and wide hips and pillow thighs had historically been the preferred style. I realize when I look at fine art that there are various styles of the human females reclining nude or almost nude. I hadn't thought of the degrees of latitude having any affect on which female body style was painted; but apparently it did impact the choice of model or the artistic license to create the image to fit societal norms. Jennifer Lopez is making wide hips and fannies popular once again; her Latino heritage has prized that body shape for generations or longer.

So why are so many modern women ashamed, even when standing before their beloved, when naked? Probably some of that is when we were young and our parents taught us modesty that we didn't understand modesty and body shame aren't the same thing - there are times when modesty can be thrown out the window and we can enjoy the Adam and Eve attitude of celebrating our physical differences. There are times others have given us erroneous feedback and made us feel inadequate and undeserving to spend time in the buff even with a beloved. Our own harsh self-evaluation of how we "stack-up" against others can play a powerful role in body shame.

So what can we do about it?  We can realize the "ideal" isn't a body style but an attitude of not being ashamed but celebrating who we are, where we've been, where we're going and the wonderful experiences life has given us to help us become the person we are today; and how we continue to trust God to bring the right experiences into our life that we'll continue to grow and change until we can be like Adam and Eve.  With that attitude, when we look at our partner we can stand comfortably naked and say to each other, "Wow! Thank you, God. This is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh."... and keep that joyful expectancy for the rest of our lives even as the ravages of time change the "packaging" we live in to have sags, bags, wrinkles, glasses, hearing aids, false teeth, thin hair. sagging shoulders, drooping derriere and parchment skin.  Where we can enjoy the journey of life and be naked and vulnerable and not ashamed.

So, make a stand within yourself and refuse to let society continue to keep you feeling inadequate and ugly because we don't meet up to somebody else's ideal.  God created us - and he says over and over in Genesis "and it was GOOD."  He created me to live in this body; therefore, He says it's GOOD. I chose to believe God's evaluation rather than society's, especially the media's perverted depiction of cookie-cutter women who need cosmetic surgery, trainers, special lighting, hair extenders, botox shots and PhotoShop until the photos no longer look like the original model......

It's a good thing God is omnipotent. Can you imagine arriving at the Pearly Gates and he looks at you and says, You can't come in - I don't recognize you. You give your name again and he says, But I created you with these characteristics and you don't look anything like that so you can't possibly be who you say you are.

I've often wondered how I would respond if I got to the Pearly Gates and the only question God asked me was, "Did you enjoy the life I gave you....."  and all I could think of was how I wanted a different life where I fit my society's dictates of beauty, how I wanted to not have my dad die in front of me when I was a child, how I wanted a marriage of longevity and that didn't happen, how I wanted this and that and the other thing. I decided I was wasting my happiness by regrets and resentments. I decided to take control of my own joy and happiness and live in that attitude. It took practice and I still practice it daily to stay out of the self-pity. But I am learning to love my life and part of my life is this body I live in and enjoy my life through - so I am slowly learning to celebrate that, too. 

For today, I'm going to celebrate the way God chose to create me!  Thank you, Father, for making me me! Help me learn to agree and confirm what you said..   "and it was GOOD."   

Who's Your Daddy?

Who's Your Daddy?

I was accused of being into New Age religion instead of Christianity. I thought if a friend was concerned about my faith; it was worth checking out.  One of my aims is to work out my "salvation with fear and trembling" (Philippians 2:12). I went online and found some criteria to describe New Age beliefs.  When I'm done writing this article, I should know if I'm a liberal Christian or if I've slipped over into the sin of not following Jesus and need to repent.

1. Jesus was not and is not the only Christ, nor is he God.

I believe Jesus is the ONLY Son of God. I believe He is God and part of the Three in One" godhead or Trinity. I believe the Apostles' and Nicene creeds of the early church without changing the definitions of any of the words from how they've been interpreted since they were written.

 

2. Jesus was not and is not the only Christ, nor is he God.

I believe Jesus is the ONLY Son of God and the ONLY Christ. We are called the sons (lower case) of God (Galatians 3:26) but only Jesus is the Son (capital letter) of God.   I believe Christ is not Jesus' last name like I thought as a little child. The term Christ defines His role of Messiah. I believe He is fully God and fully human; and He is a member the Trinity. The Trinity will never become a Quinity to allow a fourth person in - so Jesus is the ONLY Christ or ONLY son (our only position in the Trinity is we’re in Christ who is in the Trinity). Even before the world was created, He was the Christ and will be throughout eternity.

 

3. "God" is impersonal, cosmic, a God of energy forces.

I believe God (Father, Son and Holy Spirit) is very personal and loves all people and lets it rain on the just and unjust and gives oxygen to those who believe in Him or don't. However, to those who are open to have a relationship with Him, they open the door not only to their salvation but to a very personal and potentially intimate relationship with Him.  God is a gentleman and won't force us to be saved or have a growing relationship with Him; however, His love will continually and constantly woo us into the depth of His love - we accept or reject that magnanimous offer every second of every day.

"The Cosmic Christ can be defined as that aspect of God which pervades all of creation, the Christ who "fills the universe in all its parts" (Ephesians 1:23) (quote by Margaret Pirkl).  I found that definition of Cosmic Christ in agreement with the scriptures and my beliefs. The Cosmic Christ has been a Christian doctrine for a long time and the term started with St. Francis of Assisi and Clare. (born in the last 1100s). Just as the term Trinity does not appear in the Bible but the concept does; the expression Cosmic Christ does not appear in the Bible but the concept is there.

The God of energy forces. Interesting concept. Science says energy is what holds everything together.  Energy keeps the electrons from flying off and away from the proton and neutron; it's energy that keep the moon moving around the Earth; it's energy that keeps planets going around the sun and continues to the Milky Way Galaxy moving around whatever it moves around.  In Col 1:17 the scripture says he holds all things together. Science tells us energy always was and won’t end; and the Bible tells me God is infinite Omnipotence – He always was and will never end. From those two example, I could possibly extrapolate that God is energy.  I'll take the Bible's word over scientists' words; however, I won't rule out that science is in agreement with the Bible even though most may have reached that through non-Biblical means.

According to Brown–Driver–Briggs Bible Dictionary, the Hebrew word tôqephmeans, means "authority, power, strength, energy."

In Greek, Dunamis is most often translated "power"... also ability, abundance, mighty work, miracle, etc... "Power" in the NT also comes from Exhousia or "authority". Seems like the Bible writers were trying to communicate a similar idea but had to use words that readers could relate to. In the OT, Power is most often from "Yad" or Hand. Anciently the hand was symbolic of mystical Power

 

4. Man is himself God, for he consists of and is the creator of "the forces." Man already exercises the powers inherent in his divinity and needs only to awaken to this fact.

I had to think about that statement a while. It is not a concept I had ever heard before. I'll break it down. God is God and man is created by God and subject to God. With Christ in me the hope of glory (Col 1.27), that does not make me God, it makes me empowered by God to grow and change and be obedient, etc. But it does not change me from a creation to a creator.

With Christ in us, we have the powers of the gifts, fruits and ministry of the Spirit and yes, we do need to awaken to this fact for which God has gifted us with. But these are not play toys; but gifts to use in obeying Him. They are given without repentance but they operate as the Holy Spirit wills and not as our hopes and desires want. Thus, any power I have is a gift from God to manifest his love and to bring glory to Him - it has nothing to do with me except that it gives me a way to grow in obedience; and I'm shallow enough to enjoy when His gifts move in me because it helps me feel I belong (which I do whether I consistently remember that or not). He loves me and I belong to Him not because I deserve it or have earned it; but because it is His attribute to love that expansively and connect that deeply.

 

5.  Man should seek and accept spiritual instruction and direction directly from the spirit world.

I believe our instruction should come from God, the Bible and tradition (stated like a good Anglican). I've heard some New Age believers use spirit guides and angels to direct them. That would not work for me since I want a deeper relationship with God; and being instructed, directed and befriending God is part of my journey into a deeper walk with God.

6. All religions and religious teachings lead to the same goal. All are equally of merit.

I believe most religions have some moral teachings that are important for a (hopeful) more civilized society and less hostile and selfish world; however, only Christianity has Jesus who shows us the fullness of God. (Colossians 2:9). If the goal of religion was morality; then most religions would compare equally; however, the goal of Christianity is to show us our need to repent (have a change of heart) and form us into the image. Thus the goal is different.

 

7.  The "ancient wisdom" of Babylon, Egypt and Greece - not the Bible - is the basis of all truth.

I believe that Jesus is the way, the TRUTH and the life.(John 14:6)  I believe the difficulty in this time is seeing Jesus without our preconceived blinders, the influence of Greek philosophy, Victorian morality or the Western political and religious agenda of greed, etc. To me, in truly seeing Jesus we see God. (John 14)  I call this "gazing on the beauty of God" from Psalms 27.4. He is the ONLY door for the sheep (John 10).  

As mentioned in the previous paragraph; the difficulty is learning to not read the Bible with our political/social/economic filters on but to read it in purity. The question mentioned Greece; yet some Bible scholars say Plato had a bigger influence on the church then Jesus did. As I learn a little about Plutonian philosophy, I think that question is true. Several times I have listened to the free online sermon series "De-Greecing the Church" by David Pawson. I have found it quite an eye opener.

From my own reading and for my own life, Plato's division of body and spirit are antithetical to Jewish Jesus's harmony of body and spirit. Yet, dividing body and spirit (or soul) is such an integral part of Christianity for almost two millennium that I don't think it can be extracted.

 

8.  Sin and evil do not exist. Peace and love are the ultimate realities.

I believe the Bible shows us what sin and evil are; and they certainly do exist. For example, the Bible says adultery is sin; I agree. I see the damage it causes to marriages and the marriages that have ended because of that sin.

I think some believers and unbelievers label things sin and evil that are not specified in the Bible as sin or evil. Is using an accordion in church to praise God evil because that instrument was not mentioned in the Bible?  Is my cell phone evil because it was not mentioned as kosher in the scriptures? Thus, if seems it is my intention of good or evil in my use of things is important. If I use my car to rob a bank, that is evil; if I drive somebody to church for a service, that is good --- the car doesn't change to good or evil because of how I  used it.  

As I look back on my life, most of my personal growth in trusting God came through the times that were riddled with sin and evil against me. In hindsight, I can look back at those times when attacked by sin and evil and be grateful because it drew me closer to God and was the fire that refined me. (Malachi 3:3). The Bible says what was meant for evil God turned into good (Genesis 50:20) - and that is truth.

CONCLUSION: I'm still Christian. I'm a Christian who is learning to dislike labels; but didn't know how to answer my friend's concern without the use of labels.  I have moved from a predominantly Fundamentaist or Conservative leaning to become more Liberal; however, I'm still very much in the Jesus game and hyped about it. I'm rooting for both the Liberals and the Conservatives or Fundamentalists because we're all brothers and sisters in Christ.  

So, who's my Daddy?  It's my heavenly Father; and I believe He's doing a fine job in raising me to be what He would have me be.

The eight questions are taken from http://www.jeremiahproject.com/prophecy/newage01.html 

Eternal Life and Other Thoughts

"You have your heads in your Bibles constantly because you think you'll find eternal life there. But you miss the forest for the trees. These Scriptures are all about me! And here I am, standing right before you, and you aren't willing to receive from me the life you say you want. I'm not interested in crowd approval. And do you know why? Because I know you and your crowds. I know that love, especially God's love, is not on your working agenda. (John 5:39-42 - MSG)

I was reading my FaceBook page this morning and a photo and comment brought the above scripture to mind; so I decided to explore what was going on.

Of course, my first thoughts were gratitude. Mostly gratitude for the journey that God has taken me on: from legalism to freedom in Christ. Life is so much more joyful and peaceful if I don't have to tally everything into black/white or right/wrong. After all, God is the judge and I'm not; I'm just called to follow Him and love like He loved - that was shown in Jesus's life. He included all: those who were willing to dive off the high board; those who would tiptoe into the water or those who were fearful and refused to evenget a toe wet in the rich baptism of His forgiving, unconditional love. To be accepted just as I was made and love and accept others just as they are.... and to trust Him to move my ego out of the way so He can do the deep inner work of letting me see more of His love and compassion in Him, in myself and in others. Then, with that new experience He shows me more love and compassion on others. With that experience I fall deeper in love with Him and as I fall deeper in love with Him, I fall in love with who He created me to be -- whether I achieve, excel, or fall flat on my face. I'm lovable because God loves me and honours me as His beloved - what a glorious condition and position. Him in me.  Me in him. Him permeating everything and that has been the most mind-blowing, life-changing experience I've ever been blessed with. I stand in humble awe that my beautiful Saviour could perform such a miracle in my stony, egocentric, judgmental heart. I'm overwhelmed with love for this humble, loving Saviour who has turned my life inside out, upside down. At times I don't know where I end and He begins and I just want more of Him and more and more and more. How could I reject or rebel from this life-changing love and peace? Why would I even want to?

I often tease close friends by holding out my hand and shaking theirs and saying, "Hi.  My name is Debbie and I'm a recovering Pharisee."  Yes, it is fun and funny but the work God is doing inside me is staggering in intensity of change. I believe Jesus is the healer and deliverer; He has healed me many times (not just physically but in every way) and delivered me from trouble; But the greatest work He has done in me is is made inroads to chip away at the ego - He's not done with that work, but I can see a few chips are gone. I give glory to Him for that work.

I remember the years of reading the scriptures and hunting for new rules - of course, the "rules" I found were things I was already doing. This made me feel good because I wasn't "like them" or the people who didn't obey my new-found rules. For me, it was not God-driven, or even love-driven; but fully ego driven. There is such a power rush to feel that I wasn't "like them."  Yeah, that is still a temptation even in my more gentle and loving and compassionate approach. The Pharisees even had rules for how long the fringe on their prayer shawl was requred to be and if it wasn't accurate the the pray and person were rejected. I was not quite that deep into rules; but I was heading that direction in a rapid descent.

The scripture below so depicts who I was: 

"You're hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You keep meticulous account books, tithing on every nickel and dime you get, but on the meat of God's Law, things like fairness and compassion and commitment--the absolute basics!--you carelessly take it or leave it. Careful bookkeeping is commendable, but the basics are required. Do you have any idea how silly you look, writing a life story that's wrong from start to finish, nitpicking over commas and semicolons? "You're hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You burnish the surface of your cups and bowls so they sparkle in the sun, while the insides are maggoty with your greed and gluttony. Stupid Pharisee! Scour the insides, and then the gleaming surface will mean something. (Mat 23:23 - MSG)

I kept meticulous mental account books of who was holy enough to be in my circle and who was so unholy that I had to avoid them. My fear was they might contaminate me; like their God was more powerful than the God who lives in me and guides and directs me.  The deeper level was that had I opened to a new style of friendship, I might have let go of one of my rules and my identity was wrapped up in compulsive, ultra-pious, rule-keeping instead of Jesus's unconditional, all-inclusive love that I wouldn't have recognized his freedom. Had he walked the earth at the time I was a Pharisee, I wouldn't have befriended Him but been one who would have judged Him as not meeting the rules of how I interpreted the Bible and I would have been plotting to crucify Hm. No, I don't like that about me - but my focus was on my interpretation of Biblical rules and not on who He was.  It was easy to love people legalistic like me but a new skill to love and care for people who were different was foreign. So I hid behind the rules. A safe fence from having to act like Jesus; and I could find scriptures fragments to back up that stance and appease my mind to stay there in that egocentric spot. I could state I was obeying Jesus while acting the total opposite of how He did.  I totally forgot that God's love is expansive and grows; it doesn't bring me to isolation. That expansiveness is amazing... just like God. Scientists tell us the universe continues to expand: and I intuit it's because God craves more to love; since God is love. When I am acting like Abba Yhwh, then I'm expanding in my ability to love and who I am willing to love.

I'm so grateful the breath of God blew down that fence of rules that I'd built and He made me stand (as T. D. Jakes would says) naked and not ashamed - being who God created me to be. Scary stuff at first; but now I love this place of freedom where my mind is free to be present to the person I'm talking with instead of forcing my mind to burden me with evaluating everything that is going on to judge if it's right or wrong. I think Jesus could hang out with all kinds of people and love them because He knew it wasn't His time to judge - it was His time to love.

Since the title of this blog is Eternal Life and Other Thoughts; I`ll write a bit more about eternal life.

And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent. (John 17:13)

What a beautiful God I know and love. Full of the fruit of the spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control  (Galatians 5) And the beauty is these are not rules to follow; but something that happens spontaneously as I let go of the rules that hinder growing this deeper life. God is so marvelously good.

Yet, the paragraph before that beautiful scripture shows what a law-dominated thought process leads to (edited to the areas where I struggled):

Why don't you choose to be led by the Spirit and so escape the erratic compulsions of a law-dominated existence? It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on. This isn't the first time I have warned you, you know. If you use your freedom this way, you will not inherit God's kingdom. (Gal 5:18-21 - MSG)

When I was a Pharisee, I was blinded to see those things in my life; just as Paul on the road to Damascus - I was blind and Jesus opened my eyes to behold life without the inner Pharisee. As I read that scripture once again, I realized those things are a great example of sowing and reaping. When I was in my legalistic, rule-keeping, Pharisaical stage, those were what I sowed and I reaped a bumper crop of the same in return. That`s a blessing because "when the pain of change is less then the pain of staying the same: then we change." (a favorite quote of a lady pastor in Broken Arrow, OK). I finally started looking at Jesus's life and ministry; and God grew in me a desire to become more like Him, who was so far from being a legalistic Pharisee. He gave me the desire to grow a bumper crop of His fruit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

During this Lenten season where I've spent extra time with the Saviour in self-reflection; so many beautiful things have happened. My trust in Him has grown and as my physical eyes are being healed; my spiritual eyes are letting in more of the Light of Life - my Lord and Saviour.