“I am going to talk to my little friend here,” he said,
pointing to a small plant. He kneeled in front of it and began to caress it and
to talk to it. I did not understand what he was saying at first, but then he
switched languages and talked to the plant in Spanish. He babbled inanities for
a while. Then he stood up. “It doesn’t matter what you say to a plant,” he
said. “You can just as well make up words; what’s important is the feeling of
liking it, and treating it as an equal.” He explained that a man who gathers
plants must apologize every time for taking them and must assure them that
someday his own body will serve as food for them. “So, all in all, the plants
and ourselves are even,” he said. “Neither we nor they are more or less
important.” - quote from Carlos Castaneda. Journey To Ixtlan (p. 24).
The above quote, although not Biblical, changed my thought
of death to a more wholistic view. After reading that statement, I did not want a traditional funeral with
cremation, embalming, caskets, urns or a vault. The type of funeral that I had
viewed for decades as a showcase of successful lobbying of morticians legalizing
the stoppage of natural process of dying and decaying. I wanted to feed plants
who had fed me all my life, or fed the animals who fed me. I feel so close to
God in nature; especially in the forested mountains along the Atlantic coast –
it’s like a cathedral with trees, wind, wildlife, flowers. I wanted a place
where I intuited God’s presence and felt close to him – as the Celtic would
call it a “Thin Place” between heaven and earth. In this journey, I heard my niece talk about cemeteries
where trees were planted on or near the grave-site. That warmed my heart. Now
that my time draws near, I hope to be planted in such a location. I found one
two hours from Orlando near Gainesville.
Today my oldest son drove me to this beautiful graveyard,
Prairie Creek Conservation Cemetery.
Some facts I learned was a regular graveyard has 1,000 people per square
acre. This natural burial has 100 people per square acre and each plot is 10’x15’.
They said two funeral homes who have prepared people for natural burial are
Philip and Wiley Funeral Home and Countryside Funeral Home. They said other
mortuaries may be willing to work with me. I decided instead of training a new
mortuary; to use one of the experienced natural burial morticians. The links to their sites are below:
In the evening my oldest and I went to my sister and
brother-in-law’s house to discuss what we’d seen, gather funeral suggestions and
ideas from them. My youngest son, his
wife and teenage son joined us. I thought video chat could only be two locations
but when the conversation was over, I stated to my eldest son that I’d wished his wife
could have joined in as she’s a lady with good ideas and a beloved part of the
family. My
son said it was possible. I felt sad and guilty that I hadn’t asked earlier if 3 locations could join.
Ideas:
- Burial in the forest area instead of plains; near the road so older people don’t have to hike far.
- Have a live oak tree planted at my feet at the next planting season.
- My un-embalmed body can stay up to a year in the mortuary’s refrigeration unit; although they suggest less than 6 months.
- Instead of biodegradable coffin, be buried in the white, cotton shroud.
- The family, along with a group of grave-digger volunteers, may chose to help the morning of the funeral by opening the grave; they said many people find this healing and cathartic. Many of the volunteers had loved ones buried in the cemetery and found helping digging their graves meaningful and like to pass along their help to other diggers.
- Have a small funeral either at the mortuary chapel or rent the small hall at the cemetery. Have my sister’s pastor officiate at the funeral and grave site prayers.
- The grandchildren who want to perform at the grave site prior to the prayer, may play their instrument, dance, sing, whatever they have worked out with their parents to participate.
- Several suggested no food at the funeral; but those who want to meet after at a local restaurant to fellowship and eat are welcome.
- Have pieces of paper and a pen for any who want to leave a note or comment to toss into the grave.
- If the appropriate planting season, have approved wildflower seeds for the children to plant on top of the coffin.
- Those who wish, can toss a handful or shovelful of dirt to start refilling the grave or refill it completely; the graveyard personnel said some people find this very healing.
- There may be other approved plants, such as native orchids, that the children can help plant. Need to check with management for what is appropriate.
- Those desirable, may want to hike into the forest and pick up pieces of broken limbs to decorate the grave. There were beautiful crosses tied together with vines, arches and other designs loved-ones had used to honor their dead one.
- The commitment will be words from the pastor, and his reading the Anglican commitment prayer and has been so meaningful to me the last 11 years; and was read at my mother's grave-site ceremony.
As my youngest son said after me asking for ideas,
suggestions and comments. “It’s hard to know, I’ve never had a Mother die
before.” Good point. I’ve never been a
mother dying before and planning an event to help them grieve, move-on and grow.
Although for me, this funeral, in my opinion, is not about me. I’ve gone through last 4 months since discovering I had cancer, discovering their is no cure, being told to start hospice; all of that with only a
few tears; but planning this event for them has brought me to tears many times.
I so much want to be successful at this last act of “mothering” my children;
loving my relatives and helping them cope and heal. That’s a bigger order then
dying.
Prairie Creek Conservation Cemetary
Philip and Wiley Funeral Home
Countryside Funeral Home in Ocala
https://www.countrysidefunerals.com/
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