Rohr - Beyond the Bird Bath

I recently finished an online Richard Rohr course from Center of Action and Contemplation called "Beyond the Bird Bath: Courageous Heart of the Franciscan Way."  I want to learn more about the Franciscan lifestyle and thought this would be a great way to learn.  Of the six lessons, this quote is what stood out to me the most:  

Dualism creates necessary struggle. The cross is a geometric sign of holding, nailed to the two sides of all of the human dilemmas:  divine and human, matter and spirit, male and female, good thief and bad thief.  When you try to hold the contraries together, St. Bonaventure says you will always be crucified.  The world wants you to chose sides.

We are suppose to be the people who hang on the contraries and hold the dilemmas that life presents us with.  And we suffer them.  Now you have the meaning of the cross.  You absorb the tension. You don't release the tension on another group by blaming and damning another group of people.  You hold what's true about this side and what's true about that side.  There is a field beyond right and wrong and I'll meet you there; maybe that is the only place you can meet the other - that who is beyond me and other than me."

I have been unpacking that to learn to better apply it to my life; and I feel I will be unpacking and expanding on that for quite a while as I mature in my Christian walk.

I'll start with how I have utilized that quote in the past week.  When I'm faced with the inner conflict or contrast, I perceive I take up the cross, suffer the pain of being stretched out with one side of the conflict nailed on one side and the other side is nailed with the conflict on the other. Nailing is "naming" the dilemma and determining what is going on inside - to listen to my inner dialog and making an executive decision what to name the inner conflict. Nailing is painful because it opens me to change.  Next, I meditate and release all thoughts until the inner pain of confusion abates. Through this, I either have the answer of which to chose; or find freedom in holding the dissonance within and not allowing it to disrupt my God-given peace and joy. It also helps me see areas where I need to grow up and allow God to refine and purify me like gold. 

I'll give a specific example. I had an opportunity to be offended this week. Part of me wanted to have compassion and empathy and jump in to fix the problem that was causing the tension.  The other part of me wanted to blast this person for causing the inner conflict. Fortunately, I didn't start by nailing the person to the cross.  Unfortunately, I didn't immediately nail the two sides of my thoughts to the cross, but analyzed them.  I'm discovering that analyzing never fixes anything and often prolongs and augments the suffering.  This unnecessary analyses brought me to finding lots of little things this person had done to annoy me and escalated into all the other things people had and have and probably will do that annoy me. I'm ashamed to say, my knee-jerk reaction was wanting to blame him and hurt back.  I wanted the suffering of the inner dichotomy to end - but I thought to have compassion I had to "fix it" or love meant being an enabler; and I didn't want to blast this person, either; because the times I've blasted others, I walk away feeling ashamed and guilty.  Yes, I am very egocentric at times.  I was stuck in a dilemma.  

I finally named what was nailing one hand to the cross: feeling I had to put on my pink super-cape and fix the problem.  The other hand was nailed to the cross by wanting to get even.  I stood quietly for a few minutes and cleared my mind, relaxed and released the emotions and noticed how tight the muscles in my neck and shoulders were. I didn't ask God to show me what to do; I just trusted He would lead me on the right path. Maybe praying should be part of the process... something to consider as I develop in this skill. If I'm trusting already, do I need to pray to trust?  Hummm.  another dilemma!  ;-)

I chose not to fix the problem - that was out of my comfort zone and exceeded my available personal resources.  I trusted the other person to handle their own stuff. Having taken myself out of the equation, peace and love returned and I could write an e-mail with empathy and validation and hopefully encouragement. The deadline was met, rapport was not broken and I think a greater respect was born - not only my respect for the other person but my respect for myself. I also learned a nugget about me:  I'd erroneously equated compassion with enabling!  No wonder life had been such a struggle at times - enabling sets me up for resentment. 

Yeah, I think I'm going to find the suffering of the cross helpful to stop the dualistic, self-defeating thoughts and behaviors as I move forward with my life.

I am grateful for this teaching. I'm grateful for Fr. Rohr's teachings.  I'm grateful for God in me (Col. 1.27)  and me in God (Acts 17.28a). 

As the quote mentions, St. Bonaventure says the world wants people to chose sides. The above example didn't have a side because it was private and if I wouldn't blog about what I learned from it - it would remain hidden.  Back to choosing sides: I am finding myself embracing opposite church doctrines and finding joy in the diversity.  Infant sprinkling or adult immersion?  Both thrill my heart and I don't have to pick one or the other.   Common cup, individual cups or no Communion?  All thrill my heart and I don't have to pick one or the other.  Heaven/Hell or Universal Salvation?  Both thrill my heart and I don't have to pick one or the other. 

Why don't I feel I have to chose one doctrine over another?  Because I know and love people who believe either way and I know their heart is turned to God - they've shown me God's love and hopefully I've reflected God's love back a little. So how they practice their faith is none of my business. For where I am now in this life's journey:  how faith is practiced is less important then the Love of God that under=girds the whole thing.  I want to find ways that unite me to others much more then I want to find ways that exclude others. 

My prayer:  God, let me grow in inclusiveness - in finding roads to become united in your body of believers and let that grow to inclusiveness to those who don't believe or who believe but are rejected by many Christians because of their lifestyle.  Help me, Lord, be accepting of others just where they are - like you are accepting of me where I am. Give me wisdom to touch others with your compassion and let that compassion change me to be more like Christ.  Let me be like Jesus and be open to loving friendship with tax collectors, shepherds, prostitutes, and those who are often excluded, rejected and who have experienced more then their share of rudeness, bullying  and shame - especially when those were injuries by Christians (including me). Help me not see them as different or "defective" or as "a project" but teach me to see the diversity of the people you're created  and love them with compassion and acceptance - like you do. I ask this in the name of your son who shows us how to love the other.  Amen.