“God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6)
"Every Christian
has a choice between being humble or being humbled." (Charles Spurgeon)
I think God is trying to get a message to me. Three times in
the last few days, the wind of adversity almost brought me to tears. Yet, I'm resilient
and my Lord helps me. This is about me; so don't be trying to guess who I'm
talking about or seeing yourself in my examples.
1) A dear friend has stopped answering e-mails, text or
voice mails. I am hurt as this was a dear friend. Since this is a friend, our
communication had been active, transparent and validating. I wish I knew what
was going on and if I've done something that has hurt the friend. But my mind
reading skills are minimal and I'm not into coercing or manipulating the truth
from people. So I have to not take it personally and leave it in God's hands.
Yes. I feel humbled by this; my ego is
taking a relational beating.
2) I signed up for an online organization that I pay so much
per month and then I can buy gifts with that. I went to order Christmas gifts on
Wednesday and discovered the approximately $900 that I'd sent to this e-store
has expired and I get nothing for it. I had received no notice the money would
expire, so presume it was in the small print. I feel stupid and question if I
have the mental resources to lead my life without beng taken advantage of. So I
have to not take it personally and leave it in God's hands. Yes. I feel
humbled by this; my ego is taking a financial
beating.
3) I'd given a large
amount of money (large for me anyway) to an organization to be used on a
specific project within a specific time frame. That money has not been used and
I have tried for several months to discuss this with the head. I have been
ignored. I feel betrayed and belittled and
question if I have the ability to recognize safe people without beng taken
advantage of. So I have to not take it personally and leave it in God's hands.
Yes. I feel humbled by this; my ego is
taking a trust beating.
Where I am now:
1) I talked to God about my friend ignoring me. At first I
wanted to push my friend to talk to me; but God said He often has to wait days,
years or decades before people will talk to him. So I realized God was
strengthening me to do what he does.
2) I talked to God about the e-company. At first I wanted to
make an anti-that-company web page, and do social media to shame them and to
warn people to not use that company. God reminded me that vengeance doesn't
hurt them, it hurts me and my reputation. I asked God to forgive me and he did.
3) I talked to God about this organization. I had no desire
to shame them. I just wanted them to do what they said they would do and treat
me humanely and let me know what is happening, listen to my concerns and help
me see things from their view. God reminded me that He often goes days, weeks,
months, years or their whole lifespan without people even wanting to see things
from his view; and I can wait patiently or just forgive and move on. I forgave.
Forgiving to me means letting go of the drama and pain and letting go of my
desire to control the outcome but trusting God to do the right thing.
"The heavens proclaim the glory of God. The skies display His
craftsmanship. Day after day they continue to speak; night after
night they make Him known. They speak without a sound or word; their
voice is never heard. Yet their message has gone throughout the
earth, and their words to all the world: God. (Psalms 19.1-2)
I looked at the planets on Google Earth and see how vast God
made Creation. If I was sitting on a "cloud" at the edge of creation,
I'd see so many planets that I couldn't count them. Yet God knows every one,
every cell, molecule and quark of every plant, animal, mineral that he's put on
each planet and even the location of every spec of every space rubble, too. He
knows the wars, the poverty, the inhumanity, the fears, the egos, the hopes of
everything. What an awesome God.
When I see life from that position, my three little gripes
seem very small. My life feels like a grain of sand on the edges of a mighty
ocean being rocked by the waves, but with a cycle of peace as the tides change
and I rest.
Empire, to me, is fighting for your "right" to be
right. The Bible tells us the Kingdom of God is "righteousness, peace and
joy" (Romans 14.17). I chose to
live in the Kingdom rather than the Empire. I chose to turn the other cheek
like my Saviour did. I chose to back off and watch God move or not (His choice).
He promises to be a "Father of the fatherless and protector of widows" in Psalms 68.5. So I can leave
it there, knowing his loving hands not only hold me; but hold the full
situation and the huge, magnificent universe.
That doesn't mean I'm not backing off until my emotions are
stable and I don't slip into accidental hurtful words or revenge. And, since I'm
just a small grain of sand, my non-participation with the three issues that are
humbling me can be viewed in the same light - just little things that happen.
It's wonderful to trust God and step-back from the situation
and cuddle into God's love while I learn to not fall into the old knee-jerk
reaction of getting upset, holding grudges and seeking ways to revenge.
Thank you, Father God, for your Holy Spirit who guides and
teaches me and directs my steps. Thank you for this triple humbling experience
because it is helping me grow and see things from your view. Thank you for
loving me enough to keep working with me to mature me. Thank you for your love.
In Jesus' Name. Amen.
