Gratitude List

It's been a while since I've made a gratitude list. I've felt such gratitude welling up inside me - often into silence of God's peace and at times into God's joy - and maybe they are the same: gratitude, peace and joy from Father God.



Tonight I'm grateful for:

1. the warm day and the beautiful colours of leaves on the green grass 
2. my little cottage filled with solitude and peace
3. that my home is warm - physically and, to me, it wraps loving arms of welcome around me and guests.
4. my job that I like
5. my boss's compassion and helpful suggestions
6. that I produced a lot at work today
7. that I know God loves me
8. that I know God's freedom
9. for Richard Rohr's "Falling Upward" that has had such a powerful impact on my life
10. that Father Gerald taught me to meditate and contemplate
11. that I was ready to learn this blessed method of prayer when a teacher was available
12. for my Fundamentalist background
13. for the strength to move from that Fundamentalism into...I know not what to call it but it is such a wonderful place of liberty. It was not an easy transition; but it has helped me love God more and I hope that love spills over into loving others in a more Christ-like way.
14. for being a part of my mothers passing (although I missed the last 18 hours)
15. that Mom saw Rick and our son in heaven as she was rejoicing over the people waiting for her
16. for the vision I had in the airport before I left to be with Mom
17. that God always comes through - always, no exceptions, no errors, no doubts
18. that I am learning to be open to see God's grace more and more
19. that I know that in heaven not only do our physical disease end; but so does the things that held us back and we will ... (no word, but fly high may touch the edge of the word I don't know) in Him without anchors holding us down - anchors like self-doubts, fears, health, aging, limits.
20. that I am grasping a tiny bit of Kabbalah and feel so close to Jesus who would have been trained in this Jewish mysticism as a boy and young man. It helps me understand the gospels better and to feel I know Him better.
21. that I can laugh, unafraid of my deteriorating health - I've named my sick liver Olivia and know she has about 40 million viruses to be her friends and for a few days I've known she has new toys to play with - a lot of liver cysts, that she probably things are balls to play with. Anthropomorphizing my liver to playing with her wounds may seem silly - but it helps me mentally play with my future demise and make sense of it and set goals for the now. 
22. that suffering is a beautiful gift - hand-picked from God to season our life with subtle flavours of Christ-likeness. Yet, I'm not suffering - I'm rejoicing. I could be distraught and angst-laden but I have peace and joy - what a wonderful gift. Yet, even if I would mentally or physically suffer with this disease, God would use it to work all things out to my good (Rom 8.28).
23. that I have grown past the thought of fighting for healing and have come to love resting in God's never-failing arms with abandoned trust... without guilt or shame for choosing that path. In the light of eternity - just resting in Him makes more rational and spiritual sense to me then in spending the rest of my life fighting aging, the devil, sickness or anything. One thing... (Ps 27.4)
24. that God has taught me the joy of suffering - not that I seek suffering, in fact it's hard to notice suffering when joy is the predominant emotion. 
25. that the handy-man will do some maintenance things around the house tomorrow - this is a big blessing because he now works full time but will make room in his busy schedule to help me. I'm so blessed because some things I don't know how to do and some things I'm not strong enough to do. Praise God!
26. for my four friends who I know I can telephone day or night and you'll be there for me - and I know it is reciprocal. I am so blessed. 
27. for this joy that doesn't stop - at times I wonder what I did to deserve it, and realize there is nothing in my life I could have done good enough to get this much joy; so I count it God's grace and am overwhelmed but grateful. 
28. for music
29. for my new Christian instrumental CD with lots of saxophone. I remember loving to hear Dad play the sax and listening to this tape, touches deep places where God is palpable and although I'm laying on the sofa resting, my spirit is worshiping God by dancing around the room.
30. that I have a heart of gratitude - must have been a gift from God as my natural response to life was worry, fear and resentment, but gratitude is a much more restful response.
31. for God's love

Amen.

US Secret Service and Sacrificial Living

Romans 5: 7-8 "We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him."  (The Message Version)

May seem an odd topic to have pondered over the last few days, but I watched a documentary on the US Secret Service who are trained and willing to die for the US President.  That made me wonder who I would be willing to put my life on the line for:  my sons, my grandchildren, my niece and her children, Pope Francis and the current Dalai Lama. It's a fairly small circle in comparison to the 6 billion people in the world. I wish it was larger. I am grateful it's not a list of 0, but it does let me see that I have major room to grow as a Christian.

Although the circle is small of who I would die for; I'm more than willing to use this "earth suit" to help others after my demise. One of my disappointments is when I die that my organs can't be donated to save other lives; neither can my body go to science to train young people to become MDs; nor have I ever been able to donate blood. I have found an organization in the US who will accept my brain as a donation to help learn about brain injuries for athletes who need them so badly they aren't picky! ;)  I am grateful for that.

1 John 3.16 says, "Hereby perceive we the love of God, because he laid down his life for us: and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren."

I want to learn to live more sacrificially; but I don't have a 21st century model of how that looks for an older woman in frail health.  It will be an adventure, I'm sure. God loves to keep life moving forward and adding excitement.