A young, Christian friend wrote wondering how not to feel guilty about sexual desire for a marriage partner. Here's my reply:
I think of Hebrews 13:14. "Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled; but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge."
It does not say, "Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled; unless they do this or that sexual act and one or the other leads." No, it is specific what defiles the bed: whoremongering and adultery. It seems to be more who you do it with (your partner), not what you do when you do it with your partner, in my opinion. To me, consensual sexuality is the most important aspect and offering sexual union to God as a thanksgiving.
I recently listened to the book, "The Erotic and the Holy" by Marc Gafni for an Old Testament Jewish understanding of sex. Rev. Richard Rohr has an excellent audio, "Gates of the Temple: Sexuality and Spirituality." that gives the Christian perspective. I'm sure there are more, but those I can recommend.
From his website cac.org "Richard Rohr tells us that spirituality and sexuality are two sides of the same coin. Both are intended to guide us to the "gate of the temple" by leading us out of ourselves in love. Western cultures have tended to separate the two, calling one good and the other evil. While we welcome the transcendence of the Incarnation—God becoming flesh—we are bound by the dualism that equates body with pleasure as immoral and soul with disciplined intellect as virtue. We must move out of that mindset to see the union of the two."
Some world religions have a branch that teaches the sexuality of spirituality, or maybe that's the spirituality of sexuality. This does not include promiscuity, but evolving sex from procreation to sublime spirituality that merges the couple much deeper than physical sex alone. I think it helps them learn the unity of "Christ in me the hope of glory" and "in Him I live and move and have my being". Sex can be a physical manifastation of a spiritual truth.
I've wondered how I would respond if the Lord would ask at my judgment, "Did you fully enjoy the body and the sexuality I gave you?"
I had a dream one night. God was on his throne. He poked Gabriel and said, "Look at that couple." Gabriel astonishingly replied, "But, Almighty, they are naked and procreating." God laughs loudly and tilts his head back in humor, "I love it when my children are enjoying the gift of sex I made for them. It makes me so happy that they are fully participating." I awoke and wondered what if all the angels of heaven are cheering and rejoicing as a couple enjoy each other sexually?
I think that loss of inhibition and joyful participation can happen, and we can leave guilt and fear behind when we follow Biblical teaching and ignore Augustine's teaching on spirit/mind trumps physical. When we accept God gave us spirit, soul (mind, will and emotions) and a body... We can then stop elevating one above the other and return to wholistic self unity. The morals don't change, but our self-perception changes to become more like Jesus and His Jewish roots.
