Last week my parish had a Lenten Quiet Day. I didn't put my thoughts on the blog, but I had written them down, so am putting them here now.
Much different then previous years and it was challenging but good.
Historically we’d have Eucharist and then little 10-15 minute meditations with
instructions what to write about for the next 30-45 minutes until the next
little meditation. This time we started with reading of the gospel for Lent
Sunday 1 (Mark 1:12-15) about Jesus’ 40 days in the wilderness. As customary,
we’re to pick a word of a phrase that stood out to us. I picked “Repent and
Believe” and could sense my inner Pharisee, wringing her hands in glee, and
loving that choice that could pull me back into sorting through all my areas of
missing the mark and making sure I repented and changed. Dualism at it’s
finest. ; – ) I asked God for a different phrase when the gospel was read the
second time. No, I sensed I was to stick with it. So I did. 40 minutes for
meditation/contemplation. I did fairly well watching my thoughts go by rather
than thinking my thoughts. Then the Communion and then no instructions except to
try to spend the rest of the day with our word or phrase – not for head
knowledge but for heart opening. That nobody would say anything if we read or
wrote; but we wee encouraged to try. Whoa! I am accustomed to letting my brain
entertain myself and trying to go 4 hours without mental meanderings really felt
like being in the desert... uncomfortable, barren, a bit frightening.
A few times I discerned to stick with a thought but most of them I
acknowledged and let go. Here’s the few that were my tutors on de-legalizing
that phrase:
(1) Repent is not just do a 180; but mostly to be aware
(2) Believe is not the same as behave
(3) Repent and believe is not childhood echoes of “Deborah Dianne, stop
that this instant and behave.”
(4) Repent and believe is currently more “be aware so you can be
transformed”.
It was meaningful. I have that peaceful, drowsy, cocooned feeling that
comes from hanging out with God; plus my mind is more cooperative because it got
a few tidbits to chew over.
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