A question I've had for about 10-12 years is "How was Jesus's inner spiritual life?" What did He do, what did He read, what was He taught, what was spiritual life of his mentors be like? How did a Jew of year 0032 practice His faith? How was it at His time so I can understand how His faith changed the world? It slowly and meanderingly has compelled my search for knowing Jesus better. It is my walk and I am not encouraging anybody to follow it or even agree with it - it's just my story and hopefully putting it down will help me be more open to hearing others' stories of how their spiritual growth moves throughout stages of their lives. This first paragraph was the last one written; had I written it first, it might have given me a better diagram to what I wrote so it wouldn't be so helter-skelter. I find I often write down the particulars (sometimes tiny particles) and that helps me discover the summary. Rather then rewrite, I'll just leave the disjointed thoughts below.
I have been reading and watching videos on Christian Kabbalah and the Zohar which is apparently a sort of commentary of the Torah (Jewish scriptures or Christian Old Testament). It is certainly giving me a lot to sort through and think about.
Right now I'm at the grocery store level - I feel like I'm pushing a cart around a new store that is full of marvelous packages of goodies I don't recognize and some I do know but with different packaging, and I get to toss as many or as few of them into my cart to take home and experience or leave on my pantry shelf. I am figuring out whatever I think will be helpful to know God better and to be in a position to best connect to Him and toss it in my cart to sort through. It's like Christmas morning in my heart!
I come from a fundamentalist background where it seems many books had titles of steps: 4 steps to holiness, 6 steps to prosperity, 8 steps to knowing God.... currently it feels a little odd to be looking at a 10 step to enlightenment. Then I thought of a ferris wheel - there's no "right" seat to take for the ride - just get on and enjoy it. So I'm jumping on for short spins and enjoying it and getting off and enjoying the thrill of where I've been and basking in the new knowledge and attempting to see how it can be put into practice in my boring little life. It seems with each spin - I come back feeling more in love with Jesus and more in love or at least more accepting of people. Having come from a steps to achievement background, the thought of the Tree of Life of Kabbalah is a bit uncomfortable - maybe fearful it is another 10 steps of hard work to miniscule development. In case anybody reads here the 10 steps called Sefirot are the attributes or emanations of God or how He reveals Himself to humans. If I know how God may reveal Himself, then it might be easier to not be startled if it happens but to remain open to receiving.
When I was married to the children's dad, we would laugh that when he opened his Bible, it was to Revelations and to study it based on US military weaponry and tactics and current events - my old Thompson Chain Reference KJV Bible I used back then has so many markings, I can hardly read the texts in the first few chapters of Genesis. I would often open to Genesis to try to figure out why we were here and how it all happened. There was probably about 6 consecutive years we read through the full Bible as a family after supper. I am glad my children had that training - not only in Bible reading but in consistency of spiritual disciplines... even if it was often done in legalism and not in joy.
I said that to point out that Genesis has always held a fascination for me. I feel it is starting to make sense and to be helpful in spiritual formation or Christian growth.
Back to the cherubs. According to one teacher (I've been listening and reading so many, I don't recall which one), said cherubs were baby angels and that was apparent in the Hebrew word. Of course, visions of Renaissance paintings of chubby, naked, dimply knee-ed babies with blonde curls and gossamer wings popped into my mind's eye. Since Genesis was a Jewish book before it became a Christian book, I quickly switched the blonde cherubs to curly, black-haired, olive-skinned babies with wings - their happy, trustful and open facial expressions remained similar.
I got out my concordance and realized cherubs are mentioned three times.
(1) God put them to guard the Tree of Life in the Garden of Eden. I thought of Jesus teachings to come to Him as a little child - so to get back to the Tree of Life, the kiddie cherubs are a reminder of what I am becoming - childlike. Yet, I bring my ego-driven self to the Tree where God chips them off and molds me into the image of His Son, my Saviour.
(2) He used gold cherubs to sit on the Ark of the Covenant that sat in the Holy of Holies and held the 10-commandments, Aaron's rod that bloomed, a jar of Mannah and the first scroll Moses wrote. I just realized there are types of shadows of Christ all over those items. Wow! There were also what I consider echoes of the cherubs designed into the curtains of the Tabernacle and the gold-covered walls of the Temple.
(3) Ezekiel's theophany.
For the past couple of years, I have been questioning the difference of dualism vs. peace or unity with God and trying to life in more peace and unity. When I'm in a dualistic mindset, I am judging and evaluating everything. I don't need to judge, I need to discern - to hear God's heart directing me. As a post-Biblical literalist, I know Jesus sits on the White Throne judgment - humans, including me, don't. So why do I often revert to thinking I have to judge everything now? I struggle with trying to perceive and judge others motives, their accuracy, their humility, their doctrinal correctness, their lovingness, etc. Where did that come from? I finally think I've found the answer:
It came in the Garden of Eden when mankind chose to eat from the tree of dualism (good and evil). What if we would have nibbled at the Tree of Life instead? The result of that choice could be pondered for weeks. But the point isn't how the would would have been better had we (as a species) not screwed up 6,000 years ago. The point is how do I stop that dualism in my own personal life? For me, the issue is two sided - how do I catch myself being dualistic when I don't have a template of what unity looks like? and how do I find a template of unity besides the glimpses of Jesus in the gospel? The aspects of love in 1 Corinthians 13 helps some with a word template. But learning meditation and contemplation is very beneficial to me. Thank you Rev. & Mrs. Wesley & Stacey Campbell for your book about praying the Bible and how/why to begin this type of prayer; and thank you Father Gerald for being an example and mentor in beginning to incorporate lectio divina into my prayer life.
I was surprised to discover that some of the Kabbalist writers I've read call the two stages of silent prayer as meditation and unification. For where I am now, that makes sense - the blessed feeling God grants to feel united with Him and through Him with all He has created.
Back to those cute curly-haired cherubs. I know from Genesis they were protecting the Tree of Life from fallen man. I'm not sure what they were doing in Ezekiel's vision as I have read it many times (I love the mental visuals of the Theophanies), but I've never analyzed or studied it.
So back to Exodus where I've done some minimal studies in both the year in Bible College and in my own personal learning. Were the cherubs on the Ark of the Covenant there as decoration? I would have said yes and as a reminder of heaven (as I didn't think of cherub as baby angels back then but more as warring angels like Michael or possibly messenger angels like Gabriel). So were they a pre-theophany to help Ezekiel wrap his vision into human words so it could be prophesied to the Hebrews? or is it possible the cherubs were on the Ark of the Covenant to protect the contents?
One Christian Kabbalist said they were there to protect the 10-commandments, which were written on tablets of sapphire. Just as ego got in the way and Adam and Eve chose the tree of good and evil (judging and dualism); many people read the 10 commandments in a dualistic manner. My first thought was how could they be read any other way then as doing them or not doing them - obedience or disobedience? But what if they were not rules that earned us rewards or punishments (dualistic and ego driven); but were 10 items to point back to the Tree of Life and the 10 Siferot? My thoughts quickly ran to the Tree is a method to find unity with God, others and self - so the 10 commandments might really be a template that Jesus and the Shema summed up as love God and love others. That gave me a template that I think will help me unstick from dualism.
Just as I was lead into meditation and praying the Bible because history shows it would have been the method Jesus was taught and what He used, I also wanted to discover what method of mysticism Jesus would have studied and learned. I'm a bit bowled over by what I am learning. Yet, I am cognizant that there is a centering that is spiritually beneficial or deep ends that lead me away from the truth. Having fallen off those deep ends through spiritual excesses (fundamentalism and later the greed Gospel where I was more interested in laying up treasures on earth than in heaven), I know I am susceptible to see (what my friend Jinn Bug) called "something shiny" and I'd go chasing after that instead of after God.
Jesus said He was the Way, the Truth and the Life. Christian Kabbalists say that is shorthand: The Kabbalistic Tree of Life is sometimes called the Way by Jewish scholars; the Truth is the scriptures and John tells us Jesus is the Word made flesh; and the Life is Jesus is eternal life thus part of the Trinitarian godhead.
One Christian Kabbalist believes Jesus wrote the Zohar; if so,it is sad that the book God's son wrote, has received such little acclaim. That doesn't mean I'm embracing it as such, I haven't even purchased a copy. I'm still walking the grocery store and picking out spiritual food from the Kabbalah to help me join more closely with God through Jesus.
Enough rambling for today. It feels good to sort through a few of the points I'm reading. I'm a person in process - this loom exciting and big today; but as life ebbs and flows and I'm responsive to God - that may change tomorrow. I have learned to accept this as part of who I am.
I've had several Epiphanies in my Christian maturation:
1) Coming to Christ at 3:30 AM on Saturday, October 11, 1975.
2) Baptism in the Holy Spirit two weeks later (didn't yet know what it was)
3) Discovered "Praying the Bible: The Pathway to Spirituality" and started praying like Jesus prayed and even using some of His prayers.
4) Discovered "Song of Songs" mostly through Rev. Mike Bickle but various other writers that gave me language to tell God how much I loved Him and to have language to understand His love for me.
5) Meditation and Contemplation - even though I was a reluctant starter and am still a novice.
6) Right now Kabbalah feels like it will be the next one on my list. I feel more spiritual energy percolating within me then I have for years. I can't wait to get up in the morning and learn and put into practice what I'm learning. I've been blessed with joy and peace for several years, but this dose of excitement added to it is very energizing.
Blessings to anybody who reads here.
Debbie
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